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JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!

OpusXKC

OpusXKC

MOΛΩN ΛABE
Joined
Nov 20, 2005
Messages
987
Have you heard the word? JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE is loose!

Joose (pronounced juice) is a malt liquor energy drink beverage that is absolutely ridiculous. First the idea that in a single can you can have an upper and a downer is amazing. Enough ginsing, guarana, deer penis or wtf ever they put in energy drinks, along with the high quality 9.9% abv you expect from your favorite Schlitz or King Cobra, is like getting jacked off by a grizzly bear. A generous experience, but you're still frightened of where it is going.

Now if the general premise of this product isn't enough to make you question why you want to try it, the flavor selection will. Right now the JOOSE (screamed not spoken), comes in an array of flavors. The following I have tried.

  • Red -- A cranberry flavored product with only a meager 9.0% abv...pffffttt why bother
  • Orange -- A tasty clone of the popular Mountain Dew Livewire drink now with 9.9% abv. Gather your WoW and D&D buddies for a drunken night of Rush albums and Cheetos, because I just got a +4 to Kick Ass !
  • Dragon -- A powerful dark ninja beverage that is permeated with the best flavors of Welch's Grape Soda and evil. This stuff smells like the Grimace, and as you know nothing can kill the Grimace. This stuff gets the job done. Drink two and call me to get you out of jail in the morning.
  • Jungle -- Nuclear green Shrek piss with a stank like the Swamp Thing's nuts, it slaps your tongue like a whore that hasn't been paid. Mountain Dew grew up, went to LA and started doing speed balls for a few years, and well...here is the result. I still have no idea why I drank this, but I need my fix man.
  • Mamba -- OH MY! The KoolAid man and that retarded kid from the Hawaiian Punch can have concocted a deadly brew here! This is as charismatic and dangerous as Ted Bundy. Once you let it in you are defiantly screwed.

I can honestly say that I had not known what the meaning of the popular street term "krunked" was, but after my experiences here I now most certainly do.

--Pic of the demon seed for reference--
51ujy0.jpg



PS -- FOUR Loko, as pictured above, is also a MLED (malt liquor energy drink)....not tasty, but 12% abv :whistling:
 
I like to mix those with my Bud Light Clamato, so I get my meat, veggies and fruit all one healthy malt-liquor serving!
 
I hear this is best drank 52 ounces at a time, from a QT cup. :laugh:
 
Tony next time I am in town I want to see you shotgun 5 of these. Then we can go to that bar with the fancy table etchings you were telling us about....
 
Sparks used to be my go-to hangover remedy when I was in college. Worked Saturday night bartending and then would have to open the kitchen Sunday morning at 8. Sparks was the first thing I'd grab when I showed up to work Sunday morning. Worked miracles
 
During the superbowl my buddies had an agreement that anyone who told a lame joke had to take a shot of Joose. I refused to take part in any of that. My stomach turns just thinking about malt liquor, let alone some kind of ML/energy hybrid.

However, I've heard that this stuff is pretty tastey! :laugh:

anaconda-malt-liquor.jpg
 
insight said:
Tony next time I am in town I want to see you shotgun 5 of these. Then we can go to that bar with the fancy table etchings you were telling us about....
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I'd say 2 is the limit. After 3 or more I get all twitchy and stumbly like Michael J Fox


The Black Cloud said:
During the superbowl my buddies had an agreement that anyone who told a lame joke had to take a shot of Joose. I refused to take part in any of that. My stomach turns just thinking about malt liquor, let alone some kind of ML/energy hybrid.

However, I've heard that this stuff is pretty tastey! :laugh:

anaconda-malt-liquor.jpg
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Super props for making a Black Dynamite reference!
 
3 of these in a 52 oz QT cup is one of the single most evil alcohol experiences of my adult life. The buzz was amazing but be prepared not to do anything that resembles sleeping for quite sometime. I love to get fairly drunk and then go to bed. I always sleep like the dead. Not with Joose. You lay down and you will fall asleep but you will be awake(wide awake) in two hours. I did this in a pattern until the caffeine finally wore off. The flavor is too close to grape soda. It's entirely too easy to drink. You don't know you are jacked up until it is far too late. This is something to try early in the day(say noon) and let it do it's magic. Krunk is what this does to you!


We need to do this again Tony!
 
Smokyballs said:
3 of these in a 52 oz QT cup is one of the single most evil AWESOME alcohol experiences of my adult life. The buzz was amazing but be prepared not to do anything that resembles sleeping for quite sometime TO ROCK. I love to get fairly drunk and then go to bed. I always sleep like the dead. Not with Joose. You lay down and you will fall asleep but you will be awake (wide awake) in two hours. i did this in a pattern until the caffeine finally wore off. IN A MAGICAL FUCKING LAND OF KICK ASS. The flavor is too close to grape soda. It's entirely too easy to drink. You don't know you are jacked up until it is far too late. This is something to try early in the day(say noon) and let it do it's magic. Krunk is what this does to you!

We need to do this again Tony!
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Fixed it for you :cool:
 
This is the funniest thing I've read in a very long time! Well done Tony, biting the bullet for the rest of us jive suckas!
 
souldog said:
This is the funniest thing I've read in a very long time! Well done Tony, biting the bullet for the rest of us jive suckas!
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Oh Jon, this is something you have to try to really understand! His description is an understatement!!!
 
Smokyballs said:
souldog said:
This is the funniest thing I've read in a very long time! Well done Tony, biting the bullet for the rest of us jive suckas!
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Oh Jon, this is something you have to try to really understand! His description is an understatement!!!
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Brad, I'm far too terrified to try this myself. I don't have enough fuzz on my peaches to pull this off!
 
I have a buddy who loves energy drinks that also have alcohol .. he is always drinking some beer that is mixed with one.... Going to have to tell him about this one still sounds gross to me.
 
JTuttle said:
I have a buddy who loves energy drinks that also have alcohol .. he is always drinking some beer that is mixed with one.... Going to have to tell him about this one still sounds gross to me.
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You don't understand. There is no flavor to indicate that there is alcohol present. It's just like drinking an energy drink with a nasty surprise in the end effects.
 
Drinking only to get drunk is like having sex only to procreate.
 
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