Moral dilemma...your thoughts

[broblues]

A woman I know (I believe her to be bipolar, but not sure), consistantly makes cutting remarks to "friends" publicly.  A person gets upset with her and calls her out privately, creating quite a stir.  Is the originating person, because of her suspected condition, to receive a "free pass" on her remarks, or is she fair game? 

 

[modo22]

A woman I know (I believe her to be bipolar, but not sure), consistantly makes cutting remarks to "friends" publicly.  A person gets upset with her and calls her out privately, creating quite a stir.  Is the originating person, because of her suspected condition, to receive a "free pass" on her remarks, or is she fair game? 

You know my Ex?  what a b*tch huh!!  :sign:
 
I would say short answer no.  She needs to be responsible for her actions regardless of disease.  BUT I have had people of high ranking positions get free rides all the time because of their bipolar issues.  It took about 3-4 years for someone in that persons organization to finally step in and force some steps to help correct the issues.  But I would not say she is fair game as she does have an issue, but she just might need some help.....does she know that she is causing this kind of a stir?
 

 

[grateful1]

What you believe to be true and what is true may be different.
 
Tell her what you're seeing regarding her behavior and say it's not appreciated.
 
Unless you are a Dr and treated her...or she tells you her condition (could just be PMS...or anything!)...live with it or move on.
 
But hey...this is a cigar board!

 

[broblues]

A woman I know (I believe her to be bipolar, but not sure), consistantly makes cutting remarks to "friends" publicly.  A person gets upset with her and calls her out privately, creating quite a stir.  Is the originating person, because of her suspected condition, to receive a "free pass" on her remarks, or is she fair game? 

You know my Ex?  what a b*tch huh!!  :sign:
 
I would say short answer no.  She needs to be responsible for her actions regardless of disease.  BUT I have had people of high ranking positions get free rides all the time because of their bipolar issues.  It took about 3-4 years for someone in that persons organization to finally step in and force some steps to help correct the issues.  But I would not say she is fair game as she does have an issue, but she just might need some help.....does she know that she is causing this kind of a stir?
 

I think she has meds, and won't take them because they take away the "highs" and "lows" and create a constant middle of the road environment.  And yes, she knows that she is creating a stir!

 

[brianetz1]

I have lived with many people who have severe mental issues all my life.  My mom has a ton as does my sister, and all of my aunts.  
 
many times they are not aware of their actions at the time and it takes incidents to really show them why they need to take the meds.  For my sister it is very obvious when she stops taking the meds, she become violent and emotional at the drop of a hat, but it takes for her to go on a Hulklike rampage and brake some shit before she realizes that she messed up.
 
I'm not saying that you need to call her out in front of everyone right away.  Making her aware of it after the fact 1 on 1 will be a start, but it might take one time for her to be confronted by the friends immediately when it happens.

 

[louich]

Well being bipolar IMO does not excuses anyone from behaving appropriately ariund others and even more with the people they personnaly know. Maybe no one ever confronted her adequately about it or she never felt the consequences of the behavior enough.

I had/have a friend who has somewaht the same type of problems that you are describing (I no MD) and one day I had enough and told him the game was over that if he could not respect people the way he should that he could go take a dump else where and not call me or anyone (it was a party at my house) who was here. He started to rant back and I showed him the door saying you bettre walk out on your own because you worn out all the patience everyone has.

Ge walked out and suprisingly adter a while came back and excused himself and his behavior. Since then he changed and he is not the same asshat he was.

That veing said, unacceptable social behavior is like alcoolism... To make a chage you have to hit a wall or hit rock bottom.

 

[Devil Doc]

Is alcoolism in the DSM?
 
Doc

 

[louich]

I dont think so but I love to compare things that have nothing to do with each other and find similarities.

 

[grateful1]

I dont think so but I love to compare things that have nothing to dowitheach other and find similarities.

 
You too with the spelling!!!!

 

[louich]

Sorry forgot to put spaces...dammed be my fat thumbs and this small touch screen!

 

[CMontoya79]

IMO as was stated bipolar gives no green light to be an asshole. You have to put some people in their place. Now I'm nog suggesting you get into a pissing contest, that usually goes nowhere. But speak your mind and then understand what your working with. You can't force someone to see reason if they are an unreasonable person.

C

 

[BlindedByScience]

Only comment I can think of is.....pick your battles.
 
Is this really worth it?  Is it really necessary to get involved with?  It's probably going to end badly, no matter who / how / what goes on......

 

[Taylor47]

Completely agree with B.B.S.  Sometimes it's just easier to bite your tongue and move on.  
 
My question is this: If said lady says cutting remarks quite frequently, why is everyone still "friends" with her?

 

[cabaiguan juan]

Hell no. But why would you want to hang out with her is she is an ass?

 

[Devil Doc]

A nice ass makes up for a lot of faults.
 
Doc

 

[ChasingAsh]

I look at it like this: There are many people out there who are bipolar and are not assholes. Call her out but don't be a jerk.
 

Well being bipolar IMO does not excuses anyone from behaving appropriately ariund others and even more with the people they personnaly know. Maybe no one ever confronted her adequately about it or she never felt the consequences of the behavior enough.

I had/have a friend who has somewaht the same type of problems that you are describing (I no MD) and one day I had enough and told him the game was over that if he could not respect people the way he should that he could go take a dump else where and not call me or anyone (it was a party at my house) who was here. He started to rant back and I showed him the door saying you bettre walk out on your own because you worn out all the patience everyone has.

Ge walked out and suprisingly adter a while came back and excused himself and his behavior. Since then he changed and he is not the same asshat he was.

That veing said, unacceptable social behavior is like alcoolism... To make a chage you have to hit a wall or hit rock bottom.

^X2

 

[Gator]

Forgive everyone and everything, all the time.
 
I've been learning to speak in love, even to strangers or people who's behavior is irritating, or i don't speak at all. That said, that doesn't mean what i say is all peaches and cream, but it's truthful and (as best i can) worded to try and be helpful. Oftentimes, i see that it isn't my place to speak of anothers behavior.

 

[broblues]

Her husband and I used to herf together regularly, my wife hasn't been bitten yet and is friends with her.  I think it will take care of it's self.  I personally, as suggested by some here, moved away from spending time with them months ago.  I am just watching how others are treating the situation.  Thanks for your thoughts Guys.  :thumbs:

 

[vortex]

Forgive everyone and everything, all the time.
 
I've been learning to speak in love, even to strangers or people who's behavior is irritating, or i don't speak at all. That said, that doesn't mean what i say is all peaches and cream, but it's truthful and (as best i can) worded to try and be helpful. Oftentimes, i see that it isn't my place to speak of anothers behavior.

I agree. It's not only the passionate thing to do but is an excellent strategy MOST of the time. Even if she doesn't respond well, your other friends will see you make the effort. The "olive branch" could take the form of "I wish we didn't end up fighting all the time. How can we stop this?"
 
Morality is ultimately a personal choice. We tend strongly to travel the map of reality from the previous generations. This may be an opportunity hidden as a problem. Even if she doesn't respond and the whole issue is unresolved, you may benefit from it!
 
Edit to add: OMG, SHE LIKES YOU!!!!!

 

[MadMonk]

A nice ass makes up for a lot of faults.
 
Doc

Damn it Doc, if that hasn't caused most of mans woes.