Mummy Cigar

MoeCizlak

Built for comfort
Joined
Sep 21, 2007
Messages
5,075
I hope my future mesothelioma bills will be worth the satisfied curiosity of you sadistic bastards.


Tonight’s cigar review is of this mummified oddity found in my cooler. The back story can be found in another thread so we’ll skip straight to the review.


As you can see from the EL band, this beauty is from 2009, which puts it squarely in the 11th Dynasty of the Middle Kingdom. Lending credence to the popular belief that this came from the tomb of Mentuhotep III, or at least one of his wives. The prelight shows the care taken by Egyptian artisans to preserve this for posterity.


Once lit, the cigar is immediately rewarding me with notes of domestic Naugahyde, wrapped in rat fur and then set ablaze. With hints if acetone coming into play now and again. Unfortunately those same flavors dominated throughout the cigar so I deducted some points for being somewhat one dimensional. Further points were deducted for constant relights required, although this may be due to humidity conditions in the tomb. Overall I would give it a 4 out of 10 stars purely for the unique experience of smoking an artifact and the almost immediate hallucinations it caused of an incensed Anubis tormenting my soul with a thousand angry scarabs.


If anyone is still making those cool glass tables with cigar bands and wants these two relics to add to the table’s mystique, hit me up.
 

MoeCizlak

Built for comfort
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Sep 21, 2007
Messages
5,075
Holy shit! That’s an actual cigar.... I seriously thought it was a piece of a tree you were jokingly (tongue & cheek) passing off a a cigar. 😂
Oh no, it’s as real as my quickly forming lung lesions. It’s still fascinating to me how it happened, something I may never know.
 

MoeCizlak

Built for comfort
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Sep 21, 2007
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5,075
To be clear, I did not smoke this like a regular cigar. I agreed to the challenge with a carefully worded counter offer of being in proximity while that thing was lit and that’s what I did. While I did inhale some to get a sense of the cigar, it was not smoked in the traditional sense. I’m not the brightest of creatures but I’m also not suicidal.
 

kann

One Leg Of Fury.
Joined
Apr 29, 2011
Messages
3,720
To be clear, I did not smoke this like a regular cigar. I agreed to the challenge with a carefully worded counter offer of being in proximity while that thing was lit and that’s what I did. While I did inhale some to get a sense of the cigar, it was not smoked in the traditional sense. I’m not the brightest of creatures but I’m also not suicidal.
Now THAT is great to hear. Did you toss the remains' remains? I'd hold on to that sucker for archaeological reasons. You never know what secrets that thing may unlock in the future when Nicolas Cage some adventurer pairs it with another, seemingly unrelated museum artifact.
 

Scap

Well-Known Member
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Dec 1, 2012
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4,705
Dude, this is the equivalent of putting already chewed gum you picked up on a sidewalk in your mouth.
 

2K6TBSS

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Joined
Jan 12, 2010
Messages
2,903
I didn't believe that was actually a cigar until I saw it lit. Then II though "There's no way he would actually smoke that thing!"

Glad to hear you didn't actually try it, that looks like it would cause all kinds of bad things.
 

MoeCizlak

Built for comfort
Joined
Sep 21, 2007
Messages
5,075
Now THAT is great to hear. Did you toss the remains' remains? I'd hold on to that sucker for archaeological reasons. You never know what secrets that thing may unlock in the future when Nicolas Cage some adventurer pairs it with another, seemingly unrelated museum artifact.
No, I didn't simply toss the remains. I carefully placed it, with honor and respect, in the middle of the Native burial ground our house is built upon.
 
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