Here, Gary....I fixed it for you:
How to prepare heavenly flavored luscious hot buttered rum mix….with sensitivity:
Put on your Gucci sport shirt, and carefully purchase the following ingredients:
- 384 teaspoons of lovingly prepared vanilla ice cream. Use a brand that was made only from cows that listened to early jazz while cycling their cud. Once purchased and gently transported to your kitchen, kindly allow it to gently warm until it’s at approximately room temperature, or 72.452187 degrees Fahrenheit.
- 291.6667 penneyweight of farm fresh butter. You must drive to the farm yourself, and travel no fewer than 75 miles each way. Once in your kitchen, allow to warm and become gleefully softened.
- 0.07142857 stone of confectioners powdered sugar. Unless purchased from a real confectioner, it will destroy the recipe and cause untold emotional hardship to those in the immediate area. Be warned.
- 2267.962 carats of rich, earthy, dark brown sugar. Note that any attempt to use dark brown sugar with a molasses content of less than 6.5% (based on volume, you simpleton) will cause unwanted and unpredictable flavor transitions in the finished product. Please exercise care.
- 160 minim of ground cinnamon (that would be the US customary minim, or 61.611519921875 micro liters….exactly). Ensure you are purchasing real Madagascar grown cinnamon from a reputable source.
- 4.928922 cc's of ground nutmeg. This is perhaps the most important, most critical, most delicate ingredient. Of course, any person with a decent education knows that the nutmeg tree is any of several species of trees in genus Myristica. However, for this recipe, you must ensure that you are using nutmeg made ONLY from Myristica fragrans, an evergreen tree indigenous to the Banda Islands in the Moluccas (or Spice Islands) of Indonesia. Anything less would be…..tacky and uncivilized.
With the ingredients in hand, it is time to prepare the mix.
Select a porcelain bowl and a wooden spoon. Recommend music would be Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. While Nigel Kennedy's 2nd version of the four seasons is very good, it’s a little….aggressive for this recipe. Shaham's recording with the Orpheus chamber orchestra is safer and preferred. Use your own good judgment there.
As Concerto No. 1 in E major begins, while smiling and talking in subdued tones, lovingly transfer the ice cream to the porcelain container. A few minutes in, the butter may be added but be gentle and speak fondly of the cows that made the milk from which this came from. Carefully and lovingly use the wooden spoon to gently introduce the two dairy products to each other. If you sense any conflict, cease agitation until harmony and balance is again present in the bowl.
As Concerto No. 2 in G minor starts, you may add the other ingredients in whatever order you wish..!! Be reckless, throw caution to the wind, let your spirit soar, and indulge your wild side. I will confide I’ve been known to add the nutmeg BEFORE the cinnamon, on occasion (dear god don’t tell my family). Such rogue behavior will add the necessary spirit and zest to the mix that is so often lacking.
With love and respect, for the duration of the Concerto No. 3 in F major, use of the spoon to blend the ingredients together. Use no more force than is necessary. Anger and haste here will add undesired energy to the blend….and we certainly don’t want that.
As the final notes of Concerto No. 3 fade into silence, your mix should be prepared properly.
...I guess that's how you NJ guys roll. Here all this time I thought us Left Coast dwellers were the fruity ones..... :laugh: