O Brother rocks - for purposes of the stage I would want the part of the Buh-bell salesman...
"Thanks for the haitus in conversation during ingestion, though there are those who attempt to do both, I find it rather... vulgar..."
Or perhaps the Governor himself...
"It's a good thing your momma is dead, looking at you now, she'd die of shame to look at you"
Or perhaps ole Hogwallop...
"Really? I slaughtered this horse last Tuesday... I'm afraid she's starting to turn."
Sam - "I don't want Fop god damnit, I'm a Dapper Dan Man!"