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The Vets Pass - RESULTS!

A salty Navy Chief and a crusty Marine First Sergeant are at a bar arguing about who had the tougher career. "I did 30 years in the Recon," the Marine declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars."

"Fresh out of boot camp, I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade."

"As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire."

"Finally, as a staff sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and In a fire fight, we'd shoot until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!" Looking straight ahead, the Chief says nothing. Then after a deliberately long, slow drink, the Chief says, "Yeah, it figures...all shore duty."

Doc.
 
A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading:

"Don't Miss the Amazing Seabee Chief."

Curious, he buys a ticket. The tent goes dark. Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There, spot lit in the center ring is a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it is an old Retired Seabee Chief.

Suddenly the old man unzips his pants, whips out a huge penis and smashes all three walnuts with three mighty swings!

The crowd erupts in applause as the elderly Seabee is carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visits the same little town and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same: "Don't Miss the Amazing Seabee Chief."

He can't believe the old guy is still alive much less still doing his act! So he buys a ticket. Again, the center ring is illuminated. This time, instead of walnuts, three coconuts are placed on the table. The Chief stands before them, then suddenly unzips his fly and smashes the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member.

The crowd goes wild! Flabbergasted, the salesman requests a meeting with him after the show. You're incredible," he tells the old Seabee "But I have to know something. You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts?"

"Well," says the aging Seabee, "My eyes aren't what they used to be."

~Boar :laugh:
 
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by
a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young,
idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major
for conversation.

Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?

Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, It looks
like you have seen a lot of action.

Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, You know, I hope you don't take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?

1955, ma'am.

Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking
everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and
led him to a private room where she proceeded to relax him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,
Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact
voice, I hope not, it's only 2130 now.

*************************************************************

Two airmen were driving across country on leave. They come to a Marine Corps base and decide to visit. They approach the gate and the Marine Guard walks up to the driver's window, and taps on it with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window, and the Marine smacks him in the head with
the stick. The driver says, Why'd you do that?
The Marine says, You're on a United States Marine Corps Base, son. When I come up to your car, you'll have your ID card ready.
Driver says, I'm sorry, We're in the Air Force, and we didn't know.
The Marine examines the I.D. card and gives it back to the driver.
The Marine walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the Marine smacks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, What'd you do that for?
The Marine says, Just making your wishes come true.
The passenger says, Huh?
The Marine says, I know that as soon as you pull away you're gonna say, 'I wish that sucker would've tried that **** with me!'
 
A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, ''Wanna hear a MARINE joke?''

The guy next to him replies, ''Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2'' tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5'' tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?''

The sailor says, ''Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times.''
 
USMC Rules For Gun Fighting
  • Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns.
  • Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
  • Only hits count. A close miss is still a miss.
  • If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough nor using cover correctly.
  • Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movements are preferred.)
  • If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun.
  • In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics.
  • They will only remember who lived.
  • If you are not shooting, you should be communic- ating, reloading, and running.
  • Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun.
  • Use a gun that works EVERY TIME.
  • Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
  • Always cheat = always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
  • Have a plan.
  • Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
  • Use cover and concealment as much as possible.
  • Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
  • Don't drop your guard.
  • Always tactically reload and threat scan 360 degrees.
  • Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them).
  • Decide to be AGGRESSIVE enough, QUICKLY enough.
  • The faster you finish the fight, the less shot up you will get.
  • Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
  • Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
  • Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a "4".

































Navy Rules for Gun Fighting

  • Go to Sea
  • Send the Marines
  • Drink Coffee
 
Hello all,

The pass was sitting on the front porch when I arrived home this evening, haven't opened it yet. It appears to have arrived unscathed.:thumbs:
I'll try to turn this around to Doc soonest.
 
They sent it to Philly before it got to you so even though you're 30 miles away it did some traveling already.
 
Alrighty...

P & T's are done, PM's have been sent. Pass is packed and posted. Parcel goes out to Devil Doc in the morning's mail.

(Delivery Confirmation™ Label Number: 9405 5036 9930 0355 9361 38)

Thanks all for the allowing me to participate and I'll have to dust off the old CIGAR reviewing SOP and see if I can tell a pig from a poke without the bands... :rolleyes::D
 
An elderly spinster who was a dog lover agreed to look after her neighbors house and dog while the neighbors went on their holidays.

The only problem was that the spinster's own dog was a bitch that was in 'heat' and the neighbor's dog was a male. Nevertheless she had a large house and she was able to keep the two dogs apart.

Late one night as she lay in her bed drifting off to sleep, she was suddenly awakened by awful howling and moaning sounds from downstairs.

She rushed downstairs to find the dogs locked together, as dogs do when mating.

The dogs were in obvious pain whining but unable to disengage.

Try as she might she could not part them and she was perplexed as what to do next.

Though it was late she reluctantly phoned an old retired ARMY NCO that lived nearby and after a few rings a rather grumpy voice answered the phone. The spinster explained the problem.

The NCO said, "I want you to hang up then take your phone over to the dogs and place it down alongside them."

I will then phone your number back and the noise of the telephone ringing should make the male dog lose his erection and be able to withdraw from the bitch."

"Oh," said the spinster, "Do you think that will work?"

"Well," the the NCO replied, "IT JUST WORKED ON ME !!!!"
 
Moving right along. Let's see how good Doc is at blind selections..
 
AVB said:
Moving right along. Let's see how good Doc is at blind selections..
Click to expand...

Hey Doc, rumor has it that the pass includes a couple of "special" cigars, just look for the plastic tip and the aroma of grape. Just take one, Mr. Peat told me he wants the other. :laugh:

Seriously though, with all my cigar noobness(is that really a word?) I am looking foreward to see if I can identify ANY of the cigars in the pass. ???
 
Nothing else needs to be said ;)

iranian-air-force.jpg
 
A Marine and a sailor were sitting in a bar one day arguing over which was the superior service.

After a swig of beer the Marine says, 'Well, we had Iwo Jima.'

Arching his eyebrows, the sailor replies, 'We had the Battle of Midway.

'Not entirely true', responded the Marine. 'Some of those pilots were Marines, in fact, Henderson Field on Guadalcanal was named after a Marine pilot killed at the Battle of Midway.'

The sailor responds, 'Point taken.'

The Marine then says, 'We Marines were born at Tunn Tavern!'

The sailor, nodding agreement, says, 'But we had John Paul Jones.'

The argument continued until the sailor comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says...... 'The Navy invented sex!'

The Marine replies, 'That is true, but it was the Marines who introduced it to women.'
 
AVB said:
Moving right along. Let's see how good Doc is at blind selections..
Click to expand...

Is this a challenge to raid the Pass? I had intended to do my very best at picking one of each category, however I'm willing to change my tactics if my abilities are on the line.;)

Doc
 
Either way is a challenge Doc.
 
I'm gonna go "true blind" and just separate out my favorite vitolas (torps and corona gordas) then the most appealing-to-me wrapper colors of those (not too light, not too dark) then narrow it down to the ones that smell the best. A mahogony brown torp that smells like fermented leaf, I'm bound to love, no matter what it is.

~Boar
 
A police officer pulls a Navy Chief over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Navy Chief Petty Officer: I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?
Navy Chief: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Navy Chief: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Navy Chief: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!
Navy Chief: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.
The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Navy Chief: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?
Navy Chief: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Navy Chief: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Navy Chief: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it.
The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Navy Chief: Yeah, and I'll bet the liar said that I was speeding, too.
 
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