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Well, crap. Lost my older brother today.

Boar...My deepest condolences...I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
 
I'm sorry for your lost man...I dont know what to say but stay strong for your mother, she'll need it from you
 
For all of you that share this horror and it is still new.

Please accept my sincere condolences. I feel qualified to opine that no matter what your feelings are, you are entitled to feel them. For quite some time, you will have different emotions, sometimes hour by hour, sometimes day by day. At some point in future, you will settle it in your mind. FWIW, I believe that alcohol and substance abuse is akin to a "disease". I pray that the disgust that you may feel someday, if not already, is for the disease, not your brothers.

Sometimes you can try to stop it, but the freight train is too heavy and moving too fast, and there just isn't anyway to stop it. It isn't your fault. We tried to move Heaven and Earth, screaming from the mountain top begging for help.

On May 8th, 2012 at 10:05 PM, my younger brother put a .38 special loaded with Hydro-Shock +P rounds to his head. He was under the influence of prescription meds, alcohol and a lifelong mental illness. I think we are blessed that he did not die, but he will forever be severely challenged. I am selflishly thankfull. I still have a brother, but he is much different than the one I had before May 8.

I will pray for you and your family right now. PM me if I can help in any way. I can be a good listener.
 
Thanks, all. It's a bit rough . . . unexpectedly so. As a good friend told me today---you may not have liked each other, or gotten along, ever, but . . . blood is blood. And now here I am the oldest living son. Weird. Been the de facto head of the family since our father passed in '01. Didn't think there'd be any more weight to add, but I can feel it.

Got the cremation arranged today. My nephew---NOT his son, this is my kid sister's oldest; they've both been living at Mom's---has really stepped up to the plate and is acting like the grown man his birth certificate says he ought to be by now. That's new and it's a good that's come of this. Tim's daughter is flying down from Montana on Thursday. At some point we'll scatter his ashes where he used to go wadefishing.

Thanks again for the thoughts and prayers.

~Boar
 
I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
I hope you and yours each find your own way to heal.
 
Very sorry for your loss. My wife's going through the same thing with her father, he's in hospice on his way out all do to consumption. Great guy, just could never get around that awful affliction.

Sorry again Bro. RIP
 
My sincerest condolences Boar. I'm going through something similar with an in-law, and it's tough knowing you can't do a damned thing. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family. Stay strong bud.
 
Well, we had the memorial Monday evening. Mom couldn't bring herself to let his ashes go, so we buried them in her backyard and planted a grapefruit tree over them . . . she had just got back home from the care center that morning, so it was a long, hard day for all concerned. We had a family dinner, with his daughter in from Montana and my older sister down from DFW.

Mom decided to plant my father's ashes with him---he's been on the credenza in the dining room for like ten years now---so that was good. And Tim will have our father to keep him company, and together they'll bless the tree and bear fruit to gift us all in their memory. I'm relieved, because Mom's been talking crap about Dad in front of his ashes for ten years now!

Pretty sad. Everyone's trying to say something nice, and they all have to reach back to when Tim was a kid to find a good memory of him, before the alcohol took him, to share. I don't even have those, really---when I was a kid he was a bully, and when we met up again he was a drunk---but you know, it leaves a hole in the world when someone passes, and it doesn't really matter what kind of person used to fill that hole, it's still a damn hole. He was a degenerate alcoholic who drank himself out of a career, a family, a house and home, life itself . . . but he was still my brother. The shieldwall of the kinclan is one more less for his passing, and we shall miss his sword arm in the battles to come. Sad.

Thanks again for the thoughts, the prayers, and all the kind words. With Dad to watch over him, I do hope he rests in peace.

~Boar
 
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