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Would it be bad karma...

If you do decide to dispatch the cat, kill it like a man - quick and painless - one shot to the head.
 
Stu, have you asked the wife if she would enjoy being pissed on? I would think that if she blew that question off with a "oh your just making too bad a deal about the cat" type of response....that might give you full right to do the unthinkable.

However, if you enjoy NOT going through a divorce and probably years of arguing and anguish beforehand, kitty might just accidentally have "run away"...lol

We have 4 cats and while ive never been pissed on, I have some luggage that seems to always get targeted. So I have thrown away many a bag...because theres nothing that gets that smell out. You can hide it or mask it, but then it gets hot outside or the humidity in the room goes up...and it comes right back.
 
Stu, this IS the funniest thing I've read on CP. I can sympathize as I couldn't stand my wife's cat when she first got it.
 
I recommend leather gloves... cats claws cant breach through them, and just beat the living $#!t out of it!! :thumbs: Ive never been a fan of cats, we used to have one and it always clawed me... just gave it the leather glove treatment and problem solved!
 
SoTL1977 said:
If you do decide to dispatch the cat, kill it like a man - quick and painless - one shot to the head.
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Quick and painless? Quick and painless would unduly depreciate the seriousness of the crimes that this f#@&ing cat has committed. When of if I dispatch the f#@&ing cat, I would be more inclined to make it excruciating and slow. Dismemberment. Scalping. Disembowelment. Electrocution. Impalement. Chemical burns. No manner of death or dying is too sick or too deplorable for this f#@&ing cat criminal.

Besides, one shot to the head may not extinguish all nine lives... ;)
 
Sneak it into a zoo and then drop it in the lion's or tiger's den
 
Have you considered pissing on the wife? Sorry, it was the 1st thought that popped into my head.
 
punk_lawyer said:
Quick and painless? Quick and painless would unduly depreciate the seriousness of the crimes that this f#@&ing cat has committed. When of if I dispatch the f#@&ing cat, I would be more inclined to make it excruciating and slow. Dismemberment. Scalping. Disembowelment. Electrocution. Impalement. Chemical burns. No manner of death or dying is too sick or too deplorable for this f#@&ing cat criminal. Besides, one shot to the head may not extinguish all nine lives... ;)
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This will be my last post on the topic since clearly we don't see eye to eye on the subject.

Do you really want to join the ranks of David Berkowitz, Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, Albert Disalvo, Edward Emil Kemper lll? Aside from this, what you're suggesting, if even in jest (which it doesn't seem to be), is illegal in every state. And you've posted it on the internet.

You asked if it would be bad karma - according to Buddhist values, yes. The pain that you would cause not only to the cat, but your own family, is some serious BAD KARMA. Just give the cat away but don't torture the thing. It isn't the civil thing to do, no matter how much you hate it.
 
Sorry, this has been so damn funny to read. :laugh:

I am seriously allergic to cats, way more then dogs for some reason, so I'm more then a bit biased. As such I would advocate making the cat disappear after a couple weeks. After enough time has passed that you might not be a prime suspect anymore. Living out in a rural area as I do, I can tell you wild cats are menace to nature. They destroy bird populations for miles. We have a serious cat over population problem in this country so just turning a cat loose to fend for itself isn't a very good option. The cat was just following it's natural instincts and does not deserve to suffer any more then any other creature does. Find a quiet place and end it quickly. That would be my advise if you could make it work and not get yourself banished to sleeping outside for it. The only other option would be finding a new home for the cat but who would be any more interested in getting pissed on then you are?

On a happier note I can't believe you get to have a cat house on your porch!! I would love to have a cat house on my porch!!! :sign:

LOL !!!! I just remembered the movie "Night at the Museum". Who's evolved? Come on now, who's evolved? LMAO!!! :sign: :sign: :sign:
 
punk_lawyer said:
Please let me know your thoughts.
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short answer.... yes.

considering that cruelty to animals is illegal, and that you're a lawyer, I think this entire thread is totally inappropriate . I considered reporting it as I think it's in poor taste and not funny in the slightest.
 
ElmerFudd2.jpg


Kill the wabbit -- I mean, cat. Kill the cat!!
 
KEEL IT STU!!!!!!!

You should have brought it on vacation with you and used it for gator or shark bait!
 
TBaGZ said:
KEEL IT STU!!!!!!!

You should have brought it on vacation with you and used it for gator or shark bait!
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I saw two jamaicans in the Florida Keys at night on a beach with a fairly nice sized nurse shark reeled in on the shore. When I asked what bait they used... cat!
 
Everyone who took his question literally should buy a fucking vowel, honestly.
 
Settle down, Sister and settle down, Ngetal. I did not miss the day of law school in which premeditated animal cruelty was discussed (I actually noted the illegality of killing a cat in my posts). Chill out. Or, if you can't chill out then report me if you wish to do so. I believe that everyone else here clearly understood the humorous intent.

All of my pets are adopted or formerly abused strays. My children are required under the terms of my Will to perform a month of community service at an animal shelter before they can get any part of an inheritance from me. (Actually, they have to do one month to the homeless, one month to animal shelters and one month to disabled people before any inheritance). I, not my wife, have written checks to the North Shore Animal League each year. I have a HEATED F#@&ING CAT HOUSE ON MY DECK FOR THE f#@&ING CAT WHO WAS EXILED OUTSIDE FOR URINATING ON ME. Yeah, I am a pretty bad guy.

So, take a deep breath, read the following paragraph and then apply that paragraph to your reading of any of my posts in this thread:

Hyperbole, (from ancient Greek "ὑπερβολή", meaning excess or exaggeration) is a figure of speech in which statements are exaggerated. It may be used to evoke strong feelings or to create a strong impression, but is not meant to be taken literally. With the word hyperbole it can also mean an exaggerated feeling about something. Hyperbole is used to create emphasis. It is a literary device often used in poetry, and is frequently encountered in casual speech.

;)
 
You could dye (with non-toxic food coloring) the cat orange with black stripes, then sent it to Breedy. :sign:
 
Ah.... This threads no fun at all now.

You could have held out till someone sent the cops to your place couldn't you've?
 
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