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Adoption

StrangeFamous

StrangeFamous

New Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2007
Messages
32
Hey folks, just wanted to know if any of you guys have ever went through the process of adoption? My wife and I are trying to gather as much information as we could on the process(es) and I thought that this community could also be a good source of information.

3 years ago my GF at the time decided to let Chris (the child we intend to adopt), his biological mother and father who were not married, stay at our home for a few months until they can get their act together. It was rather frequent that Chris' mom and dad would leave with their friends while we took care of their child. One day they decided to up and leave because they found a "new" place to stay and according to my GF, were tired of feeling like moochers. So weeks past with no word from the "family" on how things were going until one day we get the call from social services stating that we needed to take Chris because he had been left alone (mind you at this time Chris was only 3 years old). I was at work so my wife and her mom needed to drive their @ 11:00pm to pick up Chris. When they did, Chris was under the table, filthy, smelled as if he had not been changed or bathed for a few days and starving. Needless to say my GF took him in. At this moment of my life I was still trying to get my life together, so taking on a child was not something I had planned, so when my GF asked me if Chris could stay with us for a while, I had to decline. Well 3 years later he's still living with us, my GF and I are now husband and wife, goes to show you who wears the past in this relationship huh?!?!?

So we wanted to get the ball rolling for the adoption process, and I contacted my friend who has been a practicing lawyer for a little over a year. He was telling us that we need to locate one of the biological parents and serve them 3x before even presenting our case to the judge. Unfortunately my friend is up to his neck in work and can no longer help us out immediately with the adoption... so I was wondering if any of the experienced members of this board can help point me and my wife in the right direction. There's a lot more to this story that I would love to share but my fingers need a rest. To anyone that gets a chance to read and offer any advice, my wife and I would like to humbly thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

StrangaeFamoose
 
I do not have any first hand knowledge of this, but I have friends who have been in the process for quite some time now. All I can offer is this, it is a long road ahead, so steal yourself for that, and be prepared. Also, with them there were times when they wanted to give up it was so hard, but they stuck with it, and finally prevailed. I wish I could be of more help to you, but at the very least, good luck with the adoption process for all you!

Bill
 
I had friends go through this, successfully. It's worse than applying for your first mortgage. Lots worse.

Doc.
 
Never had to go through the process or know anyone very close to me who has. I just wanted to say it's a damn fine thing you and your better half are doing...... commendable! Best of luck to the three of you!
 
amateuraficionado said:
Never had to go through the process or know anyone very close to me who has. I just wanted to say it's a damn fine thing you and your better half are doing...... commendable! Best of luck to the three of you!
Click to expand...

X2

Great thing you are doing.
 
I was adopted (37 years ago) and have had friends who have adopted but never in the circumstances you are describing here. Even though this poor child's parents are pieces of human debris, they will undoubtedly have rights to their child even though anyone with a lick of common sense can see they don't give a damn about that child. My friends that have adopted have done so without knowing the child previously and that was a long, complicated process. I would imagine that unfortunately your process will be harder and possibly harder. I wish you and your wife the best of luck, you are doing a generous and noble thing here. And best of all you get to skip the potty training stage!!!
 
Thanks guys for the kind words. We're going to do everything we can, Chris already acknowledges us as mom and dad my folks as grandma and grandpa, etc...So why not go the whole nine. Moe, we still had to go thru the potty training stage, but it was quite short (whew). Moe do you mind if I ask you a few personal questions via PM?

Thx
Famouse, S
 
I'll gladly help in any way that I can. Please PM away. :thumbs:
 
Contact JAEwing he might be able to offer you advice, or point you in the right direction if it's not in his realm of law. I have never interacted with him personally, but from reading his post, ect........ Definitely seems like the type of guy to help a brother out. :thumbs:



Your story really touched me BTW. I applaud you on how the two of you kept one less from falling through the cracks. Any pictures of Chris that you can post?
 
Good luck bro! I hope you and your wife get what you want without much hassle. I am a lawyer however I do not practice in the US so am not familiar with the laws to give you an opinion. However I do think and any judge with any sense should agree that in the present case the child has effectively never known his parents and the parents don't seem fit enough to look after Chris. Though life is seldom as simple as that.. good luck bro I know first hand how difficult and frustrating court proceedings can be for a party.

Are you able to get in touch with the biological parents? or know where they live perhaps before you decide to file papers and take thing forward you should hire a private investigator to track them down and get their consent will make life a bit simpler for you.
 
I'm just worried that both the maternal and paternal grandparents would have first refusal, so to speak. I'm in no way an attorney but this is my line of thinking. I think they take the child's wishes into consideration and it looks like his wishes are to remain with you. I truely hope that is how it ends up.
 
My wife and I started an adoption process some years back (long story) and found the mother of the child living several states away. We only had to run an ad in the local paper there for a certain amount of time and if no response, we had our case. However, the cost was quite high, even with my family lawyer helping us out. Do you have custody? I've been through a great many custody battles and in the end it's what's best for the child. And, from what I've read, you and your wife are what's best for the child. With the right lawyer and right judge, you could (should) win hands down. I hope all the best to all three of you!
 
First, this is a heartbreaking story. I hate to see children abused or taken advantage of in any way. I have a 5 year old son, and if anything happenned to him I don't know what I would do.

Based on your abbreviated story, I am unsure on a couple things, if you could elaborate please.

1) You say you have had the child for 3 years, since the day that social services asked you to pick him up. Have you had any contact with his parents since that day, or was he pretty much abandoned that day and that was it? And does Social Services have any record of the parents whereabouts?
2) How did Social Services know to call you guys when the child was left alone?

Dave
 
Strange, your position is different from many adoptions in the sense that you already have the child. Your situation is very different then two parents trying to adopt a child from an adoption service. Depending on the county in which you reside, the process can be quite simple. There is a home study completed by DSS and then you are off an running. From here the road can be either easy or hard. The easy road has the bio parents agreeing to forfeit their parental rights and granting their blessing on you as adoptive parents. The longer, and sometimes more difficult road, has you going to court to prove that the rights of the bio parents should be terminated and you allowed to adopt the children. The latter may not be so bad depending on the circumstances and this is certainly something I can tell you more about. Just from you first post I'm going to guess we have a clear issue of abandonment which will tilt the scales in your favor. This process is long and will not happen overnight.

Please let me know if I can be of any additional assistance. I'm in SoCal and would happily meet with you and your wife to discuss the issue.

Geoff
 
Great job Geoff. I'm never going to laugh at another lawyer joke as long as I live. :laugh: :whistling:
 
I'm going to try to answer everyone's questions later tonight, as I am currently @ work and am trying my best to get my paper work down to a more managable level. Thanks again to all of you for the great advice and info., this community really amazes me!!!

SF
 
I as well was adopted, unfortunately, I never have nor will know my biological parents.

Im not so sure as to the process, but it's good to hear the child is getting a great home.
 
We adopted our children internationally, so we didn't have to go through what you are talking about. But, you may want to contact your local Catholic Charities. They were able to answer several questions for us when we first thought about adoption.
 
Been there done that and it was hell!!! Back ground checks, finger printings, random home visits and random drug testing here in the great state of Ohio as of 13 years ago.....

Well worth every minute of the invasion that took over a year to complete.

I adopted Jess (my oldest daughter, now 16 years old) when she was 3 and she has had my rapped around her little finger ever sense!!!!!!
 
8 years ago my second wife and I met a beautiful 15 year old Chinese girl at a local restaurant and 3 months later she was our daughter.
Her parents in China had to relinquish all parental rights, (parallel translations etc.), we were investigated and interviewed, and then a local judge did the deed.
A local lawyer only charged us $300 and the Chinese translators did their work pro bono.
I know it is often an ordeal but wanted you to know that it can go quite easily and doesn't have to cost you treasured bodily parts. :laugh:
 
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