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Being a grown-up is such a drag!

A request please: could those of you that quoted from my post that listed my address please go in an edit (to remove my info). I assure you, I'm more embarrassed than anything else at this point. I can't think of what else to do to correct this. If a moderator could erase this altogether I think it would be in everyone's best interest.
 
Dan,

I'll go back and edit my quotation to remove your address. It won't detract materially from the thread.

I hear what Dave is saying and I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I've gone back and read your post history and you've participated in the conversation about cigars and other stuff.

If this is a misstep, and I think there's a reasonable chance that it is, don't worry too much. Who you really are will come out in what you say in the long term as we get to know each other better.

Wilkey
 
Ginseng said:
Dan,

I'll go back and edit my quotation to remove your address. It won't detract materially from the thread.

I hear what Dave is saying and I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I've gone back and read your post history and you've participated in the conversation about cigars and other stuff.

If this is a misstep, and I think there's a reasonable chance that it is, don't worry too much. Who you really are will come out in what you say in the long term as we get to know each other better.

Wilkey
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Yes, it's a misstep. I feel like I farted in church! Haven't you ever written something poorly that would've been fine in a spoken conversation? Of course you have.
 
Oh sure. Plenty of times. Written communication is certainly impoverished compared to face-to-face and even telephone conversation. Many non-verbal cues are absent and ambiguity compounds misinterpretations due to unfamiliarity.

Wilkey
 
Dan66 said:
BBS - I assure you I'm niether worthless nor pathetic. Thank you though for labeling me and showing me your true colors. I'll make it a point to not bother you again. If it makes any difference, the appology goes out to you as well. I hope you're enjoying your smoke. In the future, I would appreciate your name-calling in the form of a PM.
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My '26 was a great smoke, thank you for asking. As far as any "name calling", I have nothing to hide and don't have a problem airing my opinions in an open forum since you've chosen to do the same. I would also politely suggest you have no clue what my "true colors" are.

Dan, I'll accept your apology but can you understand how your posts sounded? Good god man, get a handle on things..!! A quick and simple search shows you've posted several cigar reviews so you obviously have spent some funds on a variety of cigars and now you're concerned about paying the light bill? And you're looking for sympathy? I take issue with your thread title; "Being a grown-up is such a drag". Here's the 411 on that one - being a grown up rocks. Being a grown up means you can choose any path, any course of action, any job, any life style you want. The "down side" if you choose to call it that is that if you fall down, you'll skin your knees. I could bore you with my "life path" but let me assure you it's been an adventure and not every step of the way was fulfilling nor successful. What "grown ups" do is learn from their mistakes and make forward progress in the game of life. NOT to whine about short term setbacks in a public forum to folks that (gasp) may not show the sympathy you were hoping for because you made a bad decision.

You know what's really offensive? This line:
Dan66 said:
It's just a drag being grown-up and not having the option of your mommy fixing it!
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While I can say I am sorry things haven't gone the way you wished, I would suggest you "man up" and take care of the important things - that would be your family. Cigars are a luxury, paying the light bill and taking care of the things most precious to a husband and leader of a household are not. Assume responsibility for the way things have turned out, and choose to make progress in a forward direction.

And quit whining in public.

My $00.02 - B.B.S.
 
Dave, I reacted just as violently when I saw you post your address publicly in response to some cigar offers. BBS was only being brutally honest. What you did, whatever your intention, is regarded as one of the lowest acts by many on this board. He is a good Brother and I have no problem with his post. My advice is to take the hit, learn from it, and move on. You did the right thing in the end.

If you want more information, read posts by Purobrat. He is the classic definition of a mooch.
 
BlindedByScience said:
...you're looking for sympathy? I take issue with your thread title; "Being a grown-up is such a drag"... What "grown ups" do is learn from their mistakes and make forward progress in the game of life. NOT to whine about short term setbacks in a public forum to folks that (gasp) may not show the sympathy you were hoping for because you made a bad decision... I would suggest you "man up" and take care of the important things - that would be your family... Assume responsibility for the way things have turned out, and choose to make progress in a forward direction.

And quit whining in public.

My $00.02 - B.B.S.
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Point taken. But you're rather arrogant. Despite what you may have read into it, I'm not looking for sympathy in the least. Initially, I was simply hoping to commiserate. Y'know, like the "yep, I've been there myself" responses I was receiving at first. How's that break your rules? I'm sorry too that you have issues with my thread title. It was a feeble attempt at humor; not a jab at you somehow. I'll make it a point to clear things with you beforehand from here on out so you don't get your feathers quite as ruffled next time.

Now you want to embarrass me further (with a repremand) after accepting my appology? What's wrong with "that's alright, Dan; everything's cool?"

As for my "life choices" and "looking out for my family" goes, I'll thank you to not refer to them as "bad decisions." I chose my recent direction as the only means available to care for my very premature son. Perhaps I should have told him to "buck up and be a man" from the start. Or perhaps you shouldn't pass judgement so quickly.

No - cigars are not very important in the big scheme of things. I guess that's why I felt I could joke around about not having many. I just don't get what's angered you so.

And quit bullying in public.

My $00.02 - Dan66
 
Dan66 said:
No - cigars are not very important in the big scheme of things. I guess that's why I felt I could joke around about not having many. I just don't get what's angered you so.
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Then don't complain about having to choose between paying the light bill or smoking cigars. That shouldn't even be a question. If that was a joke, I didn't get it.

People that don't take responsibility for their life choices and seek the sympathy of the general public makes me angry. I'm sorry if you didn't get that. Realize I'm more than likely not the only one.

As far as being a "bully", I would have to say that by posting in a public forum, you asked for public comment. If that was not your intention, you should rethink why you post life details in a public forum.

B.B.S.
 
I think he made an honest mistake. A few people asked for his address, so he gave it out. The way he did it was probably questionable, but it was pointed out and fixed.

That's my piece of wood to the fire.
 
By the way, Dan, thanks for the new sig line. I shall wear it as a badge of honor going forward..... :cool:

Cheers - B.B.S.
 
NullSmurf said:
Dave, I reacted just as violently when I saw you post your address publicly in response to some cigar offers. BBS was only being brutally honest. What you did, whatever your intention, is regarded as one of the lowest acts by many on this board. He is a good Brother and I have no problem with his post. My advice is to take the hit, learn from it, and move on. You did the right thing in the end.

If you want more information, read posts by Purobrat. He is the classic definition of a mooch.
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I echo what the little blue guy said about both mooches :angry: and B.B.S. :thumbs:

Dan,
Here are some key points to take away from this episode. I'm posting this publically so that other new members can learn from it...most likely after their own dust-up, but learn nonetheless.

1. Drop the "e-penis, honor bound, tit-for-tat, he got me worse than I got him so I'm justified in responding the way I have" attitude. No one can make you escalate a war of words. You choose to do so. Doing so is unwise, counterproductive, will only harden the members against you, and make it that much harder for you to become a member in good standing.

2. Ask yourself if there might be a reason that someone might have responded in a particular way. Perhaps there's something you don't know and if so, the right response might be the charitable response. In other words, Give them the benefit of the doubt. Step away, step back and do it like a big person. Nobody ever came out looking worse for taking the high road.

3. When you offer an apology, do so without reservations or recriminations. Here is what you did poorly. The bold sections are where you felt the need to bite back to preserve all that ridiculous stuff from point number 1, above. Frankly I'm amazed that more people did not take you to task as this is one of the behaviors that is very offensive to this community.
Dan66 said:
Point taken. But you're rather arrogant.
I'm sorry too that you have issues with my thread title.
I'll make it a point to clear things with you beforehand from here on out so you don't get your feathers quite as ruffled next time.
I guess that's why I felt I could joke around about not having many. I just don't get what's angered you so. And quit bullying in public.
BBS - I assure you I'm niether worthless nor pathetic. Thank you though for labeling me and showing me your true colors. I'll make it a point to not bother you again. If it makes any difference, the appology goes out to you as well. I hope you're enjoying your smoke. In the future, I would appreciate your name-calling in the form of a PM.
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In my opinion, this is the finest cigar community on the internet and is well worth your effort to participate and learn about us and the customs here. We will be looking to get to know you too. The next steps are up to you. If you don't know what they are, ask.

Wilkey
 
I will have to say BBS is the total opposite of how you describe him. I have known him for awhile and he is a stand up guy. We had a deal go bad, mainly on my part. I called him and fixed it that day. Nothing else was said. It was an honest mistake maybe like you just made. Worst thing you can do is to keep defending yourself. Getting the last word in just makes things drag on. I advise against it around here.

I too was a little suspicious even after the first post, then as I read on I couldn't believe what I was reading.


I wish I could get a cool sig tag like that. haaaaaaa



Shane
 
Ginseng said:
Nobody ever came out looking worse for taking the high road.
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This applies to both sides. When someone interprets your post their way and calls you a "shameless mooch" and proceeds to make fun of you, take the high road and back out. Even though the interpreter of your post could have taken the high road to begin with and explained what he felt in a civilized manner. I'm not very good at either side of that, but agree that's what should be done.

---John Holmes...
 
:laugh: @ B.B.S.'s new sigtag!! Seems to me there's a trauma surgeon around here with a similar one!

Dan, I'm sorry but I agree with Shooter... BBS is far from the picture you are painting. He is one of the few BOTL here that I've had the honor of herfing with. And since I'm such a distance away, he offered his spare bedroom for the weekend... picked me up at the airport... gifted some FINE cigars... allowed me to help polish of a rather expensive scotch when he KNEW I was only a beer drinker... showed me around his area after everyone else left... and took me back to the airport. Not to mention we have split many a box of fine stogies. Arrogant? You're way off base on that one... sorry.

As far as the thread goes... well, you did "faux pas" by putting your addy in the post, which was a 'woe as me' type. Now, nothing is wrong with posting tales of woe... there have been others, and most of us have been there, done that. Hell, I have a tale that still scares the begeezus out of me. But the comment was to EMAIL your addy, and that your PROFILE was devoid of your addy. That, btw, is the normal way of posting an addy... in your profile. Kudos to you for removing it from the post, and more importantly asking others to remove from their quoted replies.

But things are going downhill - the e-penis fight is a loser. You admitted it looked bad... and it did. Posting you had very few cigars left, and later adding your address... well, that reeks of mooching. BBS merely said what some were thinking. That's the beauty of CigarPass... there are members that will stand up and sound the warning when things do not look, feel or sound right. And one thing that does not go over well is blatant mooching.

Now, was it intentional or a goof? I'd like to say a goof... you've posted reviews and other comments, so you've started off well here. But continuing to post arguments, comments about arrogant behavior and whatnot is not going to fly well. Apologies are always good, but only when they are genuine and without conditions. Saying "sorry... but..." doesn't cut it.

A few eyes will be cast your way, to see what the next move is.

(oh, and for the record... I agree that this ruffled my feathers:
Dan66 said:
It's just a drag being grown-up and not having the option of your mommy fixing it!
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Part of being a grown up is being proud to say you fixed it on your own...)
 
Swissy said:
...continuing to post arguments, comments about arrogant behavior and whatnot is not going to fly well. Apologies are always good, but only when they are genuine and without conditions. Saying "sorry... but..." doesn't cut it.

A few eyes will be cast your way, to see what the next move is.
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Yep. Got the message.

My next move was posting a stand-alone apology. I don't recall if I attached any conditions to it, but if I did, consider them hereby removed. I've said all I can think to say on the matter - honestly.
 
Swissy said:
:laugh: @ B.B.S.'s new sigtag!! Seems to me there's a trauma surgeon around here with a similar one!

Dan, I'm sorry but I agree with Shooter... BBS is far from the picture you are painting. He is one of the few BOTL here that I've had the honor of herfing with. And since I'm such a distance away, he offered his spare bedroom for the weekend... picked me up at the airport... gifted some FINE cigars... allowed me to help polish of a rather expensive scotch when he KNEW I was only a beer drinker... showed me around his area after everyone else left... and took me back to the airport. Not to mention we have split many a box of fine stogies. Arrogant? You're way off base on that one... sorry.

As far as the thread goes... well, you did "faux pas" by putting your addy in the post, which was a 'woe as me' type. Now, nothing is wrong with posting tales of woe... there have been others, and most of us have been there, done that. Hell, I have a tale that still scares the begeezus out of me. But the comment was to EMAIL your addy, and that your PROFILE was devoid of your addy. That, btw, is the normal way of posting an addy... in your profile. Kudos to you for removing it from the post, and more importantly asking others to remove from their quoted replies.

But things are going downhill - the e-penis fight is a loser. You admitted it looked bad... and it did. Posting you had very few cigars left, and later adding your address... well, that reeks of mooching. BBS merely said what some were thinking. That's the beauty of CigarPass... there are members that will stand up and sound the warning when things do not look, feel or sound right. And one thing that does not go over well is blatant mooching.

Now, was it intentional or a goof? I'd like to say a goof... you've posted reviews and other comments, so you've started off well here. But continuing to post arguments, comments about arrogant behavior and whatnot is not going to fly well. Apologies are always good, but only when they are genuine and without conditions. Saying "sorry... but..." doesn't cut it.

A few eyes will be cast your way, to see what the next move is.

(oh, and for the record... I agree that this ruffled my feathers:
Dan66 said:
It's just a drag being grown-up and not having the option of your mommy fixing it!
Click to expand...
Part of being a grown up is being proud to say you fixed it on your own...)
Click to expand...

well said mang! :thumbs:
 
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