ALostTexan
The Travelin' Cigar Man
Ladies and gentlemen, I am the cause of all these problems in the country. I am in control, and have demands that MUST be met, or you will never have power again. Each and every one of my demands MUST be met, also, or all power will be shut off again.
1. I demand that the purchase, sale, and consumption of now illegal Cuban cigars to be made legal to myself. I will be in control, and will have the authority to grant the permission to follow my actions to anyone I see fit.
2. I demand a personal visit by any of the women in last month's Cigar Afficinado magazine, especially the beautiful woman on the cover. I also demand that the 10 most senior members of CigarPass.com to have these visits.
3. I demand a shrubbery, and make it a pretty one.
4. I demand the original Batcopter to be available at any moment for my personal use, along with the pickup used by "The Fall Guy" for my leisure. I really liked this pickup when I was a kid, and want it now.
5. I demand the cape used by "The Greatest American Hero", and also demand the instruction book to be able to use it. I know he had trouble without the book, and having that book is crucial, and I want it.
6. I demand to have the life of Hugh Hefner for 1 day, because that is probably as close to heaven as one can get.
7. I demand an unlimited supply of Cohiba's in a glass-topped box, and demand to meet the "guy at the factory" who is able to get the average Joe on the beach in Miami the "unbelieveable price of $59.00 a box". He is a very powerful man, and quite a business man, and I want to meet him.
8. I demand that the Juiceman, who sells the juice makers on infomercials, to shave his 3-foot long eyebrows. Those really freak me out, and must go. I also demand that the guy with the stupid beard that sells stuff like "Oxyclean" and that hands-free device for car phones be forced to use all of his products, and to do so using a very soft voice.
9. I demand another shrubbery, and demand to know the average airspeed of a swallow.
10. I demand that MTV play David Hasselhoff music videos, and demand that a major news network to play the David Hasselhoff concert that was so inconsiderately interrupted by the infamous low-speed chase of OJ Simpson. I am sure that the concert was good, and I hate that Hasselhoff has such hard feeling for Americans since that day.
Again, these are my demands, and upon the fulfillment of 7 of these 10 demands, all power will be restored, but unless all 10 are fulfilled, the power will be cut again. I also have the right to change and add any demands to this list at any moment.
ALostTexan
...ovbiously not one of the poor folk without power right now...
1. I demand that the purchase, sale, and consumption of now illegal Cuban cigars to be made legal to myself. I will be in control, and will have the authority to grant the permission to follow my actions to anyone I see fit.
2. I demand a personal visit by any of the women in last month's Cigar Afficinado magazine, especially the beautiful woman on the cover. I also demand that the 10 most senior members of CigarPass.com to have these visits.
3. I demand a shrubbery, and make it a pretty one.
4. I demand the original Batcopter to be available at any moment for my personal use, along with the pickup used by "The Fall Guy" for my leisure. I really liked this pickup when I was a kid, and want it now.
5. I demand the cape used by "The Greatest American Hero", and also demand the instruction book to be able to use it. I know he had trouble without the book, and having that book is crucial, and I want it.
6. I demand to have the life of Hugh Hefner for 1 day, because that is probably as close to heaven as one can get.
7. I demand an unlimited supply of Cohiba's in a glass-topped box, and demand to meet the "guy at the factory" who is able to get the average Joe on the beach in Miami the "unbelieveable price of $59.00 a box". He is a very powerful man, and quite a business man, and I want to meet him.
8. I demand that the Juiceman, who sells the juice makers on infomercials, to shave his 3-foot long eyebrows. Those really freak me out, and must go. I also demand that the guy with the stupid beard that sells stuff like "Oxyclean" and that hands-free device for car phones be forced to use all of his products, and to do so using a very soft voice.
9. I demand another shrubbery, and demand to know the average airspeed of a swallow.
10. I demand that MTV play David Hasselhoff music videos, and demand that a major news network to play the David Hasselhoff concert that was so inconsiderately interrupted by the infamous low-speed chase of OJ Simpson. I am sure that the concert was good, and I hate that Hasselhoff has such hard feeling for Americans since that day.
Again, these are my demands, and upon the fulfillment of 7 of these 10 demands, all power will be restored, but unless all 10 are fulfilled, the power will be cut again. I also have the right to change and add any demands to this list at any moment.
ALostTexan
...ovbiously not one of the poor folk without power right now...
