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Persuasion Advice?

K

KrisR.

New Member
Joined
Jul 20, 2011
Messages
19
Told my wife a few days ago that I had been smoking my pipe and cigars again. She informed me that this is not something that she can "condone".
 
I am looking for advice on how best to persuade her. Has anyone else had to do this? How did it turn out?
 
Thanks.
 
Kris R.
 
Expensive items, jewelry, electronics.  She'll get over it.  
 
By not "condoning" it, is she saying she is forbidding you to do it?  Honestly my wife understands that it helps me relax and relieve stress. She pushes me out the door to do it.
 
Yes, forbidding is a great word for it. She knows I will do what I want but she is asking me not too. I'll tell you I enjoy it and it relaxes me, I think it will just take her seeing that and getting used to it.
 
Thanks.
 
It's certainly not a hobby free of risks, my sincere advice is to sit her down and explain why you do it, how it helps you, and you two make the decision.   I can tell you I have seen smoking tear apart a marriage (Not like your issue, but more smoking behind the others back and lying about it).  
 
You asked, so I'm going to say that partners don't issue ultimatums.  There's got to be some give and take.  
 
If your SO won't give and take, I'd say smoking cigars are the smallest problem you have in front of you.
 
BlindedByScience said:
You asked, so I'm going to say that partners don't issue ultimatums.  There's got to be some give and take.  
 
If your SO won't give and take, I'd say smoking cigars are the smallest problem you have in front of you.
Click to expand...
Thus the best advice you are going to get.
 
ilikefishes said:
 
You asked, so I'm going to say that partners don't issue ultimatums.  There's got to be some give and take.  
 
If your SO won't give and take, I'd say smoking cigars are the smallest problem you have in front of you.
Click to expand...
Thus the best advice you are going to get.
 
Click to expand...
the best advice you will get about the best advice you will get.
 
MX said:
 

You asked, so I'm going to say that partners don't issue ultimatums.  There's got to be some give and take.  
 
If your SO won't give and take, I'd say smoking cigars are the smallest problem you have in front of you.
Click to expand...
Thus the best advice you are going to get.
 
Click to expand...
the best advice you will get about the best advice you will get.

What they said! If my wife tried to forbid anything that would be all she wrote for this guy. Does she love that I smoke cigars no but she deals with it.

Do you forbid her from doing anything?

Paul
 
You've been given sound advice from the previous posts for sure.  One thing I'll add is make sure there is no ambiguity in understanding her rationale for her feelings.  I would listen to her first and not necessarily offer a counter opinion in the same setting, but inform her you want to think about her issues with your smoking before responding.  The fact that you are placing a priority on her feelings above yours can often open doors of "persuasion" that may not exist otherwise.  As an aside, IMHO, I don't prefer the word persuasion, it gives the connotation that one side "wins" and the other potentially "loses".  I prefer negotiation.  It lends to the notion that compromises can be achieved.  Something marriages can't succeed without.  :)
 
The only advice I can give you is: look up positive reinforcement on google and apply it to the situation.
 
I don't think persuasion will work.  Maybe negotiation and compromise will get you some results.
 
To resolve this matter, a resolution is needed for a conflict, not compromise, in compromise there is a loser and a winner, in resolution there is an agreement reached by both parties. In my opinion if no resolution can be reached, as has been stated, there are likely much bigger problems at hand. If she can not see the benefit of your enjoyment of cigars, than it may not work out, not saying cigars would be a reason to separate, but people sepetate over sillier things.


As was stated, this would be a deal breaker for me also.

Best of luck,

C
 
CMontoya79 said:
To resolve this matter, a resolution is needed for a conflict, not compromise, in compromise there is a loser and a winner, in resolution there is an agreement reached by both parties. In my opinion if no resolution can be reached, as has been stated, there are likely much bigger problems at hand. If she can not see the benefit of your enjoyment of cigars, than it may not work out, not saying cigars would be a reason to separate, but people sepetate over sillier things.


As was stated, this would be a deal breaker for me also.

Best of luck,

C
Click to expand...
Compromise, if done properly has two winners. ;)
 
Thanks for all the advice.
 
We have reached an acceptable agreement. Actually better than I expected. So really thank for all the help on this one guys.
 
Now that all is well and I will be smoking more regular without conflict. Here is another question... What tobaccos are good. I have been on captain black gold and a corn cob for some time and would like to really get into the hobby.
 
Thanks.
 
Kris R.
 
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