pembroke3355
Banned
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2008
- Messages
- 1,878
In a attempt not to keep a arguement going in that thread(I am guilty of this also) I will start this one. I really do not feel I need to explain myself to anyone but I will. I made some bad wording in the OP of that thread. I am guilty as charged. Was it my intent to imply the FOG,s need to hit back or the newbs should expect that NO. The wise cracks started right away post #2. Also early on Napa Smokes post #27 asked me in a very constructive way what I meant by my wording. I had no problem with that and answered in a respectful manner.
Comments were made early on about how wrong it was to do it this way. I again tried to explain that there was not a intent to be stealth. It did not appear a war was going to take place. I feel and still do that it is fun for the new guys and something that the people who help this board in a lot of ways deserve. I put it together because I have a big list from last years war and could give the info to the new guys nothing more nothing less. I also explained that I was not taking part in the bombing. Is there a motive or a reason I do some of the things I do here? Yes there is but it is not the motive people seem to imply.
My feeling is a lot of this has nothing to do with the war thread at all. It has to do with the poker debacle in which I was very wrong. I made a complete ass of myself said things to people I considered friends that were way out of line and tried to and actually believed myself for a while until I sat back and took a look at what was really happening.
For some of the new guys who may not know. There use to be a poker room here. Some of us guys would go and play. The winner would get sticks for the losers. I played a while without a problem sent my sticks on time. We had a rule that shipping should not take place till you owed somone a certain amount of sticks.
A family problem came up. My brother came to me and said he was losing his house. I gave him a big chunck of money to save it. I was still fairly new and my inventory of sticks was not that big. I PM,ed each guy from the poker board I owed sticks to and explained what happened and was told no problem take the time you need. A couple of people offered to cancel the debt altogether which I declined to do.
Here is where the problem occured and and this is not a excuse I am a addict in recovery. Yes I gave a large chunck of change to my brother to save his house but still had money. At this point in my CP journey I was after the HTF high end sticks and continued to do so while still not paying back the people I owed. I took a kind gesture of these 4 guys I owed and basically shit on them by pubically running around the board buying high end sticks. THIS MONEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN USED TO PAY THEM BACK BEFORE I BOUGHT ANY MORE STICKS. A huge mistake and I am sure they felt it was a slap in the face.
I finally got called out on it and again I acted like a ass. I justified my position by saying these guys said take all the time you need do not worry about it. That is fucked up on my part. For people who may not understand addiction I will try to explain my thinking at this point. I wanted HTF sticks and cared about nothing else. I was self-centered to the core. My actions were on par with what I would have done in active addiction just without the drugs in me. To put it simply I WAS THE SAME FLAMMING ASSHAT i was during active addiction. Self seeking and wanting more.
After a well deserved beatdown some constructive some just piling on. One or 2 of the very classy guys here told me to step back and think a while. After really taking a look ay myself I realized that this was nothing more than addict behavior which in my sick mind I was justifing. I made my debts with the guys right(my intentions were never not to pay these guys it was the way I conducted myself and took advantage of their kindness that sucked). I made a apology to the board and was hoping to put this behind me.
There have been some incidents since then. I stated a opinion in a thread once well after the poker thing and someone said like your word is any good and linked back to the poker thread debacle(I have since talked with this person and have no problem with them. In fact I found him to be a stand up guy). There was another comment made by a person I will not include his name. The basic text of what he said was he did not buy anything I had to say. He did not like me and he would never sit down and smoke with me. Fair enough not everyone forgives and are entitled to their opinions.
What bothers me the most is there are a couple of people who hide behind sarcasm and are really here for nothing more than to beat people down whenever they get a chance. I pity them but that does not excuse their actions just as my addictive behavior did not justify my actions. I got called out on my actions. I called out a couple of people on thier actions.
There are also a few people here for a while now that question my motivtives in what I do here. I ran the newbie war last year and picked it up again this year because it looked like a dead deal. I also like to run contests and give cigars away. Some of the people who have nothing better to do here say and I quote that I am trying to buy my way back into to good graces on the board. I find this funny and also sad. Let's face it people this is a internet forum. I have never met anyone from here. I feel no need to buy my way into anyones good graces. If my biggest worry in life was what people who do not know me thought about me on a cigar board then I was be doing real well in life.
In closing and so no one has to listen to this again I will explain why I do what I do here. I do these things because I like to do them. The main reason I do them is so I never go back to the state of mind I was in with the poker debacle. In order for me to be a decent person not only here but in life in general is I have to give back to others. I spent a good portion of my life of nothing but taking and not caring about anyone but me and what I wanted. I let that happen once here and I will do everything in my power not to let that ever happen again. If I continue to go back to that old way of thinking I might as well stick a pipe back in my mouth.
I am also not a doormat and if you want to poke and throw sarcasm at me be big enough to expect it back. I thought I was doing a good thing by getting this war going but it is now clear that it was bad judgement on my part. Some people will never let go of my past and insist that I motives I have are bad ones so be it. End of rant but I will continue to do what I feel is right.
Comments were made early on about how wrong it was to do it this way. I again tried to explain that there was not a intent to be stealth. It did not appear a war was going to take place. I feel and still do that it is fun for the new guys and something that the people who help this board in a lot of ways deserve. I put it together because I have a big list from last years war and could give the info to the new guys nothing more nothing less. I also explained that I was not taking part in the bombing. Is there a motive or a reason I do some of the things I do here? Yes there is but it is not the motive people seem to imply.
My feeling is a lot of this has nothing to do with the war thread at all. It has to do with the poker debacle in which I was very wrong. I made a complete ass of myself said things to people I considered friends that were way out of line and tried to and actually believed myself for a while until I sat back and took a look at what was really happening.
For some of the new guys who may not know. There use to be a poker room here. Some of us guys would go and play. The winner would get sticks for the losers. I played a while without a problem sent my sticks on time. We had a rule that shipping should not take place till you owed somone a certain amount of sticks.
A family problem came up. My brother came to me and said he was losing his house. I gave him a big chunck of money to save it. I was still fairly new and my inventory of sticks was not that big. I PM,ed each guy from the poker board I owed sticks to and explained what happened and was told no problem take the time you need. A couple of people offered to cancel the debt altogether which I declined to do.
Here is where the problem occured and and this is not a excuse I am a addict in recovery. Yes I gave a large chunck of change to my brother to save his house but still had money. At this point in my CP journey I was after the HTF high end sticks and continued to do so while still not paying back the people I owed. I took a kind gesture of these 4 guys I owed and basically shit on them by pubically running around the board buying high end sticks. THIS MONEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN USED TO PAY THEM BACK BEFORE I BOUGHT ANY MORE STICKS. A huge mistake and I am sure they felt it was a slap in the face.
I finally got called out on it and again I acted like a ass. I justified my position by saying these guys said take all the time you need do not worry about it. That is fucked up on my part. For people who may not understand addiction I will try to explain my thinking at this point. I wanted HTF sticks and cared about nothing else. I was self-centered to the core. My actions were on par with what I would have done in active addiction just without the drugs in me. To put it simply I WAS THE SAME FLAMMING ASSHAT i was during active addiction. Self seeking and wanting more.
After a well deserved beatdown some constructive some just piling on. One or 2 of the very classy guys here told me to step back and think a while. After really taking a look ay myself I realized that this was nothing more than addict behavior which in my sick mind I was justifing. I made my debts with the guys right(my intentions were never not to pay these guys it was the way I conducted myself and took advantage of their kindness that sucked). I made a apology to the board and was hoping to put this behind me.
There have been some incidents since then. I stated a opinion in a thread once well after the poker thing and someone said like your word is any good and linked back to the poker thread debacle(I have since talked with this person and have no problem with them. In fact I found him to be a stand up guy). There was another comment made by a person I will not include his name. The basic text of what he said was he did not buy anything I had to say. He did not like me and he would never sit down and smoke with me. Fair enough not everyone forgives and are entitled to their opinions.
What bothers me the most is there are a couple of people who hide behind sarcasm and are really here for nothing more than to beat people down whenever they get a chance. I pity them but that does not excuse their actions just as my addictive behavior did not justify my actions. I got called out on my actions. I called out a couple of people on thier actions.
There are also a few people here for a while now that question my motivtives in what I do here. I ran the newbie war last year and picked it up again this year because it looked like a dead deal. I also like to run contests and give cigars away. Some of the people who have nothing better to do here say and I quote that I am trying to buy my way back into to good graces on the board. I find this funny and also sad. Let's face it people this is a internet forum. I have never met anyone from here. I feel no need to buy my way into anyones good graces. If my biggest worry in life was what people who do not know me thought about me on a cigar board then I was be doing real well in life.
In closing and so no one has to listen to this again I will explain why I do what I do here. I do these things because I like to do them. The main reason I do them is so I never go back to the state of mind I was in with the poker debacle. In order for me to be a decent person not only here but in life in general is I have to give back to others. I spent a good portion of my life of nothing but taking and not caring about anyone but me and what I wanted. I let that happen once here and I will do everything in my power not to let that ever happen again. If I continue to go back to that old way of thinking I might as well stick a pipe back in my mouth.
I am also not a doormat and if you want to poke and throw sarcasm at me be big enough to expect it back. I thought I was doing a good thing by getting this war going but it is now clear that it was bad judgement on my part. Some people will never let go of my past and insist that I motives I have are bad ones so be it. End of rant but I will continue to do what I feel is right.
