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THE Talk

G

gawntrail

New Member
Joined
Feb 25, 2004
Messages
872
Location
Moreno Valley, CA
Guys,

As a father, I am obligated to raise my sons up in a world that is difficult at best. Well, the time has come for THE Talk.

My 17 year old has now been hanging out with 'less than desirable' young ladies. Without offending anyone, let's just say........a couple of them are a few steps out of the trailer park and appear to not be much of a challenge (if you know what I mean). My son has been fairly sheltered up until about 15. He has always had plenty of friends and really didn't show much interest in girls until about 6 months ago. We had the 'SEX' and the 'Creepy Crawly STD' talks already. But, now I feel the 'Sleazy broads that say yes all of the time' talk is in order.

My dad was not around when I went through this stage so I do not have that experience to reflect on. But, subsequently can remember the nightmares said 'sleazy broads that say yes all of the time' cause. So, I'm asking for some help here. I kind of know what to say and how to say it, but would like to hear some of your input.

Now, dads that have real life experience in this matter would be appreciated. And dads of daughters, I would especially like to hear your point of view. I only have sons, and can only imagine what the dad of a teen age girl has to deal with. Well, I am trying to not have my son be in the sights of your scatter gun.

Thanks in advance to all that participate.

M. Gipson
 
Frankly Bro, the fact that you realize it is time for a "Talk" puts you way ahead of most the fathers of teenagers that I know. My son is only 4 so I have a few years yet to put it together. My oldest girl is 24, but she is mentally challenged and lives at home with her mom, going nowhere without supervision. I do have a 9 year old daughter, but again I have some (not near enough) years before she needs the full bang talk.

Having been a teenage boy, I would have to say that you kn ow what you have to say already, and I think your son will respond to and hear your message best, if the message is delivered without fluff. I think boys would rather have the facts and then they will make up their mind how they will apply it.

One thing I will say, if the girl is easy, then the STDs could be there, and the ole condom is not enough to be sure they don't spread. And there are also very unhealthy and unpleasent Communicable illnesses that do not require sex to spread. :0 :angry:

You are certainly on the right track from what I see , gawntrail :thumbs:
 
Seventeen year old girls that are easy. Terrible. Where did you say this was again? :sneaky:



:sign:
Ok, sorry, it was just too easy...
 
Girls can seem very flirty but wouldn't ever go that far. I've came across a lot of them and I'm only 19. Hehehe

Me and my dad never really had this kind of talk because I wasn't interested in the "easy" girls or being known as being associated with them. Not saying that your son is or anything. Introduce the date a mate philosophy - Only date someone that you can see yourself marrying. It has really worked for me and I've had great relationships as a result of it (14 month, 26 month, and now going on 13 month with my current g/f :love: ). Good luck bro :thumbs:
 
I have neither sons, nor daughters, but I had custody and raised my Niece from 16-18. The only thing harder than raising a Teen is going from Single to "Parent" of a Teen overnight. Additionally, I have had to have the "Sleazy Broad" and "Cheap Purchased Companionship" Talks with many a 17-18 yr old troop that I supervised.

For Kourtney - She came to me from a trailer park in the Detroit area, already having started down the gang/drug/sleaze raod and the big part was making sure she realized what the kind of life does to someone and the dead end it leads to. I tried to make her realize that at her age, nothing is guaranteed, least of all the guy who says - we'll be together always <wink wink nudge nudge>. We discussed the STD issue and I made liberal reference to both movies (Like "Jenny" from Gump) and people we know and how dropping out, drugs and gangs only lead to death or worse and how nobody, including her beloved Gangsta Rap stars, look back after a decade or two and claim to be better for the experience.

For my troops, I emphasize some points you already have made, and a couple others. It is never a bad thing to revisit the STD issue. I point I have found that makes an impact is reminding them that if they don't pay attention they'll likely spend the rest of their life introducing themselves to women as "Hi, I'm XX and I have Herpes" or "I'm dying of Aids." I remind them as well that when (use when, ignore if - whenever you discuss a too liberal lifestyle - it shuts down the "It can't happen to me" mentality) they get the uncurables - they must inform all possible partners or it is a federal offense. I'll remind them that "Not declaring you have an uncurable STD before sexual relations is a crime and will send you to jail so you can die like Capone; sad, frail, alone and afraid." I also point out the "I want a husband" factor. It is rampant in Asia, but common even in the US now, that many women are "no challange" so they can get pregnant and trap a guy into marriage or, at least, child support. Over here it's a bit different because most of them are looking for that wondrous "US Green Card." But I know quite a few friends in Detroit that were nailed by the same scam for child support or "Marraige by guilt" (as I call it).

Hope this helps.

-K-
 
You know, I've often thought about this exact situation, being as I have twin boys, age 5. Now, like you, I know how, or at least think I know how, to go about giving the sex, pregancy, std, aids, etc. talk. But, the one you speak of, that I'm a bit confused on also. I have two sides of the issue. Number one, being a male myself I am often reminded of the saying, wish I knew then, what I know now. Being that a lot of the "trailer park" girls I grew up with are now knock outs that I wish I would have nailed back then. I had my head so far up in the air that I wouldn't even associate with them, let alone lay down with them. I had the same girlfriend all through high school and most of college. Another big mistake, IMHO. Sure, I got laid a lot, but not nearly with enough women, LOL! So, I'm hoping to instill in my kids the idea that they should be very careful and understand what the result could be, but also try and let them know to have some fun. I'll be teaching them which girls to bring home to Mom and which ones to bring home to Dad, if you know what I mean. LMAO!!

But seriously, even though I was kind of being serious above, if you have instilled the values and morals in your kids that you would like them to have for themselves another full-blown talk may not be necessary. Maybe just a "refresher" course in the responsibilties that a young man has nowadays. Or is that doesn't work, explain that oral sex is often better than "real" sex anyway. LMAO!!
 
Yep!

You can only tell them so much at that age, I know as I have a 21 year old son and a 18 year old daughter.

Boys typically have to screw up allot to realize they need to change. Hopefully, he won't get anything worse than the clap and one trip to the Dr. for that will cure him, I assure you! :D
 
Matt R said:
Or is that doesn't work, explain that oral sex is often better than "real" sex anyway. LMAO!!
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I realize you were trying to be funny - but on a serius note - explain that to an 18 yr old E-2 with Genital Warts on his face, (yes it does happen - and that's one that a condom won't stop for any sexual activity) who has to explain to his friends and parents what happened while deployed to cause it.
 
As long as youhave had the initial SEX talk with your son you should feel confident in his decisions.

If you have raised your son with your values than you should feel confident that he can make the correct choices..

But once again remind him if he does have the urge to have sex with one of these women to be smart about it.
Always tell him to use a condom no matter what the situaiton is. SOmetimes comfronting him with this is embarressing for him ans well as you. But it is better to be safe than sorry. Also remind him of all the STD's and possibility of acwuiring HIV or getting one of these women pregnant.

I know one cant always keep an eye on their child 24/7 but if you instillled a basic foundation...you can only hope he chooses to make the correct moral and ethical choices..

GOod luck...
 
Treamayne said:
Matt R said:
Or is that doesn't work, explain that oral sex is often better than "real" sex anyway. LMAO!!
Click to expand...
I realize you were trying to be funny - but on a serius note - explain that to an 18 yr old E-2 with Genital Warts on his face, (yes it does happen - and that's one that a condom won't stop for any sexual activity) who has to explain to his friends and parents what happened while deployed to cause it.
Click to expand...
You have mis-construed me a bit......receiving oral sex is sometimes better than "real" sex. I would never pressure the kids to have to actually perform it. LMAO!!



But, seriously, wait I was serious.....





I agree with alexgtp. Just some re-enforcement now and then should get your point across.
 
Good stuff guys. Thank you. I'm going to sit down with my son this week and have that talk. I remember making mistakes and then learning after the 5th one. Well, I was just plain lucky. Today, I'm not sure you can make multiple mistakes and come out unscathed.

Well, I'll be as forward and honest as possible. I would have appreciated it from my dad, so that's what I'm going to do. Honesty is the best policy. Hopefully I'll make an impression so that he will not only consider what I am saying, but apply it........And also to pass it on when it is his turn to have the 'sleazy broads' talk with his son(s).

Thanks again for the input and the encouragement. :)

(Now, how to break the news to my 14 year old son that those 45 minute showers need to be cut back ??? )

Running a household is a bitch these days :p

M. Gipson
 
Tell the 14yo about the hairy palms.....that'll cure that!

I told my kid about a buddy of mine that got the clap in college and how he went to the infirmary and the Doc banged it with the rubber hammer to get........well, you know how it goes.... :D
 
Give up, teenagers of that age know everything already (at least I did :0 ) and won't pay any real attention to you.
 
cvmfour said:
Girls can seem very flirty but wouldn't ever go that far. I've came across a lot of them and I'm only 19. Hehehe
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LOL, What hole do you live in?

As a high school teacher let me just say, I hear waaay too many stories. Yes those girls are out there. I agree with bringing up the STD thing again. If you don't know where she's been the risk is not worth it.
 
The best you can do is tell him how you feel with out being too judgemental. Be sure he knows what could happen. My wife works as an STD Nurse at out county jail. Most of the people she treats are just plain ignorant abouot why they have contracted anything and these folks are adults.

Just for what it's worth my younger son maried the girl you are concerned about. They quickly had a baby and divorced. My wife and I now have custody of Lexee,my grandaughter. We have had custody of her since one year of age. She is the light of my life. Good things can come out of bad. It takes alot of ulcers to get to that.

Good luck. :D
 
It might not hurt to tell him your concerns, chiefly that you are concerned for his welfare and that you want him to have a more successful life by making better choices. One talk is good, but perhaps another is needed. As long as you communicate it well, I don't see what else you can do. We've all made our respective mistakes, but some have made less depending upon their intellectual maturity.
 
cigarsarge said:
Just for what it's worth my younger son maried the girl you are concerned about. They quickly had a baby and divorced. My wife and I now have custody of Lexee,my grandaughter. We have had custody of her since one year of age. She is the light of my life. Good things can come out of bad. It takes alot of ulcers to get to that.

Good luck. :D
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My 9 yr old daughter was the natural child of a 15 yr old scared girl and a 25 yr old "Cradle Robber". Neither of them wanted her, but my ex wife and I did. We were there when she was born, and took her home the next day. She is certainly a very bright light in my eyes. The girl wasn't overly slutty, the boy wasn't exactly naive. But it happened. And I am the lucky guy who got the results. :love:
 
(Now, how to break the news to my 14 year old son that those 45 minute showers need to be cut back
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My father's answer was to turn off the hot water - if, after 10 minutes, you wanted to continue the shower bad enough without hot water - more power to you. No warning was given, BTW. Only took a time or two to the lesson to take hold, no talk needed.
 
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