For my beautiful, wonderful, thoughtful, bestest wife in the world when I'm just trying to quietly wake up in the morning while catching up on the Facebooking and internetting during that first hour or so...
A Methodist minister was cherished by his congregation because he was so down to earth and inspiring; his sermons were always based on a normal life activity. Some of the parents in the congregation had asked him several times to have a sermon on sex for the benefit of the younger members of the church. The preacher, who's wife helped him prepare every sermon, was hesitant to delve into the subject because of the amount of effort he and his wife put into each and every sermon and he was a bit timid to do this with his wife.
During the week the minister and his wife prepared a sermon based on sailing and when Sunday morning came, the ministers wife was under the weather and said she would have to miss the day's service. On the way to the church, the minister decided that, despite the lack of preparation, today would be the day to have a sermon on sex and so he scrubbed the sermon on sailing and decided to wing it with a sermon based on sex.
The following Sunday a few ladies came to the ministers wife and raved about how inspiring his sermon was last week, confiding that he seemed to be such and expert on the subject.
The ministers wife said "well, you know how good he is with words, but quite frankly, he's only ever done it twice, he threw up the first time and the second time his hat blew off!"