Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

My wife, looking at me glowingly, said, "I never knew our son would go so far!"
I said, "Me either! This tretchbucket is amazing! Go get our daughter."
 
I was drinking a few beers and smoking cigars with my neighbor last night out on the back patio. My dog Enzo was outside with us, and was taking advantage of the extra attention; I think my neighbor must have fed him half the tub of dog treats I keep outside. So, we're a few drinks in and talk inevitably rolls around to women and our dismal, married sex lives. Enzo was laying on the ground by my feet, and began licking his balls, as dogs are wont to do. Joe no-shit looks at me with glassy eyes and says, "I would give just about anything to be able to do that". I told him, "That's a really good way to get bit, but if you pet him first, he just might let you..."
 
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