Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

[bfreebern]

That would hurt!

I wouldn't know.

 

[CigarStone]

A man is chatting with a lady at a social event and she says "you smell good, what are you wearing" The man says "I think it's called Come To Me ...... smells like come to me .... does it smell like cum to you?"

 

[CigarStone]

A man is out of town on business when he gets a call that his wife has been in a bad car accident. He gets the next flight home and goes straight to the hospital where he meets the doctor. The doc tells the man his wife will live but she will need 24 hour care, he will have to feed her, bath her, wash her, clean up after her, etc. The man breaks down and tells the doc "Oh my God, I am not capable of this, I am not a strong enough man to do this, I know I am going to fail my beloved wife!"

The doc slaps him on the back and says "I'm just fuckin with ya, she's dead"

 

[thinde]

What do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards? ………a receding hare line

What did the fish say when is swam into a wall?…….dam!

Why did the tomato blush?……..he saw the salad dressing

Compliments of my 6 year old grandson. His delivery was funnier than the jokes because I don’t think he’s old enough to really understand those.

 

[MaytagMan]

Saw this on my walk on Saturday...

What do you think... a doughnut shop or a brothel that employs the elderly?

 

[CBoukal]

My wife caught me sucking in my stomach while standing on the scale
"That's not going to help" she said laughing
"Actually, it does. It's the only way I can see the number"

 

[MaytagMan]

 

[CBoukal]

My wife and I started role playing in the bedroom.
Her favorite is “sexy librarian” where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book

 

[Darin]

In honor of Lab Week ...

Why did the bacteria cross the microscope?
To get to the other slide.

 

[rbbrock]

 

[Captain B]

 

[MaytagMan]

 

[bfreebern]

I'll admit it, I had to look up Schrodinger's cat.

 

[MX]

I'll admit it, I had to look up Schrodinger's cat.

You need to watch mor Big Bang Theory....

 

[dawgie]

You need to watch mor Big Bang Theory....

Yet another show I haven’t seen. I tried, but only made it about 10 minutes. I decided it would be more fun to go outside and repeatedly hit my thumb with a hammer.

Truth

 

[CBoukal]

Yet another show I haven’t seen. I tried, but only made it about 10 minutes. I decided it would be more fun to go outside and repeatedly hit my thumb with a hammer.

Truth
View attachment 94608

Where is the unfriend button? Asking for a friend

 

[dawgie]

 

[MaytagMan]

 

[rbbrock]

Since I don't know where else to put this, here's something to get that good ol' Vitamin N when you can't have a cigar:

 

[Darin]

I'm in! I go through a couple tins a week of Zyn or ON pouches.