Women's Speak

[Devil Doc]

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"


Doc.

 

[gtadroptop]

Good advice. :laugh:

 

[IBQTEE1]

Ok I am not going to a agree or disagree with this!! But you did forget the famous "whatever"!! :whistling:

 

[thinde]

Ok I am not going to a agree or disagree with this!! But you did forget the famous "whatever"!! :whistling:

I find it safer to end it with "yes dear"....

 

[junkman_56]

Ok I am not going to a agree or disagree with this!! But you did forget the famous "whatever"!! :whistling:

I find it safer to end it with "yes dear"....

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means....
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.

 

[Sunshine86]

I tried to turn the tables the other day and used "fine" on my girlfriend...that was a mistake.

 

[miamicigargirl]

Oh my let's trade advice

I'll teach you how to treat women and you teach me about cigars

 

[Devil Doc]

Oh my let's trade advice

I'll teach you how to treat women and you teach me about cigars

How about I teach you how to act on a cigar board. 19 posts, for a newb, in a little over an hour, is going to get you in a world of sh#t.

Doc.

 

[jfields]

Oh my let's trade advice

I'll teach you how to treat women and you teach me about cigars

All right! Tell me how I should have handled this differently.



Last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion really starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "What???!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words every husband on the face of the planet dreads to hear........

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to be able to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying "Cant you just love me for who I am, and not what I can do for you in the bedroom, just HOLD me?"
Realizing nothing was going to be happening, I went to sleep.

The next day I opted to take off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at Macy's. I walked around with her while she tried on several expensive outfits. She couldn't decide on which ones to buy, so I told her to get them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new outfits, so I said, "Let's get one for each new set of clothes."

We went on to the Jewelry Department where she picked out a pair of diamond ear rings. Let me tell you........she was so excited. She must have thought I was one sandwich shy of a picinic. I started to think she was testing me because she even asked for a tennis bracelet, when she doesn't even play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said yes. She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this will be all, let's go pay the cashier and head on home." All the while, she was making inuendo that I was going to get laid as soon as we got there.

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it!"

Her face went blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had a look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I can buy you?"

I haven't had sex yet...........But at least the bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

 

[SweetMelissa]

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"


Doc.

LMAO Doc! Precious...and...admittedly some of that is pretty true! LOL

Melly

 

[insight]

Oh my let's trade advice

I'll teach you how to treat women and you teach me about cigars

All right! Tell me how I should have handled this differently.



Last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion really starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "What???!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words every husband on the face of the planet dreads to hear........

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to be able to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying "Cant you just love me for who I am, and not what I can do for you in the bedroom, just HOLD me?"
Realizing nothing was going to be happening, I went to sleep.

The next day I opted to take off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at Macy's. I walked around with her while she tried on several expensive outfits. She couldn't decide on which ones to buy, so I told her to get them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new outfits, so I said, "Let's get one for each new set of clothes."

We went on to the Jewelry Department where she picked out a pair of diamond ear rings. Let me tell you........she was so excited. She must have thought I was one sandwich shy of a picinic. I started to think she was testing me because she even asked for a tennis bracelet, when she doesn't even play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said yes. She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this will be all, let's go pay the cashier and head on home." All the while, she was making inuendo that I was going to get laid as soon as we got there.

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it!"

Her face went blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had a look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I can buy you?"

I haven't had sex yet...........But at least the bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

I always really enjoy this one. I think I told my wife once and she wasn't quite as amused as I was

 

[MoeCizlak]

Is there a word attached to the phenomena where whatever your wife says she's mad at you about has nothing to do with what she's mad at you about? Rather it's something you did 6 weeks ago that's been stewing in that female mind? Just curious, I'll hang up and listen to your answer.

 

[NASTY]

You forgot this one: I'm not mad

 

[Petthefish]

ahh all to real very real in my life rp

 

[masterp0606]

Oh my let's trade advice

I'll teach you how to treat women and you teach me about cigars

All right! Tell me how I should have handled this differently.



Last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion really starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "What???!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words every husband on the face of the planet dreads to hear........

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to be able to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying "Cant you just love me for who I am, and not what I can do for you in the bedroom, just HOLD me?"
Realizing nothing was going to be happening, I went to sleep.

The next day I opted to take off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at Macy's. I walked around with her while she tried on several expensive outfits. She couldn't decide on which ones to buy, so I told her to get them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new outfits, so I said, "Let's get one for each new set of clothes."

We went on to the Jewelry Department where she picked out a pair of diamond ear rings. Let me tell you........she was so excited. She must have thought I was one sandwich shy of a picinic. I started to think she was testing me because she even asked for a tennis bracelet, when she doesn't even play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said yes. She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this will be all, let's go pay the cashier and head on home." All the while, she was making inuendo that I was going to get laid as soon as we got there.

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it!"

Her face went blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had a look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I can buy you?"

I haven't had sex yet...........But at least the bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Hahaha thats the best funniest thing iv herd in a while. I would have done the same thing

 

[gtadroptop]

'I've been thinking' means the decision has already been made. Just go along with it or prepare for a discussion that will end with her saying 'Fine'.