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You Can't Make This Stuff Up!

jfields

jfields

Where did all my money go?
Joined
Jan 25, 2007
Messages
16,328
Funny as hell! :laugh:


(GlossyNews) – Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers “duct taped inside several fast food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials.

“Something just went wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. “Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong.”

The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, “growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats,” decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event “in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats.” “In fact,” said the organizer, “motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it…ergo, they should stop.”

According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960’s era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting “you’re murderers” to passers by. This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

“They peed on me!!!” charged one activist. “They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me ‘La Trene’, and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!”

“I…I was trying to show my outrage at a man with a heavy leather jacket, and he…he didn’t even care. I called him a murderer, and all he said was, ‘You can’t prove that.’ Next thing I know he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and would not let me off, because his girl friend was out of town and I was almost a woman.”

Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers “farted on their heads.”

Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation, however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed “surprise” at the allegations.

“That’s preposterous,” said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee. “We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party! What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome.”

When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and ‘farting on their heads,’ the organizer declined to comment in detail. “That’s just our secret handshake,” assured the organizer.
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LINK!
 
hmmm... definitely an interesting read.
 
Outstanding read John, thanks for sharing brother. I hope those activist learned a lesson that day, don't screw with bikers....... :D :sign: :p
 
That is some funny shyt! Thanks for posting John... secret handshake
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Ken
 
John, my day hadn't started yet, but you took me from a yawn to a bellow in one felt swoop. That must have been good guys, look at their excellent use of language. :cool:
 
I bet the activists were ashamed that they enjoyed it all so much. :)
 
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I would love to know that this was a real story, gives me hope. Not sure why they still had all their teeth in which to tell the story, but maybe the bikers felt nice that day. It happens.
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You CAN make this stuff up, It's from a humor website, great story though! I laughed when I read it!
 
That story was hillarious to read, however, I have a few problems with it. It was funny to me because I grew up in Johnstown, PA and my parents still live there, and it sounds like it could actually happen there, BUT, I asked my mom if she heard about this (she's here for the weekend) and she said no. I also called my dad to see if he read anything in the paper or heard about this and he said no. Johnstown also has like 3 FEET of snow right now, so I don't think there were anyone riding motorcycles in the area. My parents are also members of the GJTC (Greater Johnstown Touring Club), which is a motorcycle club in the city, and my parents know a lot of people who ride in "other" clubs in the city as well, and would have almost definitely known if something was going on, and with them hearing nothing of it, I highly doubt this is real. Funny read though!
 
We could do that to the Brownies at the next Hillbilly Herf. :sign:
 
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