Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

Oldie, but goodie...

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.


3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not attend?

The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

You jump into the river and swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
 
Last night, I had a dream that I was a muffler.

I woke up exhausted.


Dogs can’t operate MRI machines…

But catscan.


I got an e-mail saying, “At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!” and I thought…

“That’s just spam.”


What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?

Quacks in the pavement.


When I complained about doing homework, my Dad said to me, “When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight.”

I said, “When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he was President
 
Went to the store yesterday and bought a loaf of bread, a few frozen meals, some milk and 6 eggs. The cashier looked at me and said, “you must be single.” I said, “what gave it away?” She responded, “cause you’re ugly.”

I met a homeless man yesterday and he asked for $20 bucks. I thought to myself.....do I really want this money to go towards drugs.....nah, probably not. So I gave him the money.
 
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