Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

Captain B said:
What do you call a guy with no arms & no legs?


Matt



What do you call a guy with no arms & no legs in the water?


Bob
Click to expand...
Hanging on a wall? Art

In a hole? Phil

In a mailbox? Bill

In the garden? Herb

At the casino? Chip

In a tree? Russell

Being towed by a boat? Skip

In a hot tub? Stu

Under a car? Jack

With a pet cat? Claude

Driving a car? Rex
 
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A man is jogging along the beach when he comes across a women with no arms or legs, lying on a blanket, crying. He asks the women why she was crying, and she replied that "she's never been kissed before". So the man gives her a kiss and goes on his way.
The next day, the man's jogging along the beach, once again comes across the same women, no arms, no legs, and she's crying. So the man asks the women what was wrong. She replied that she's never been screwed before! So the man picks up the women and throws her in the water, and replies, "You're screwed now!"
 
What is the difference between a woman's track team and a band of pygmy thieves

One is a band of cunning runts!


What is the difference between Neil Armstrong and Micheal Jackson

One walked on the moon and the other....


Fucks little boys
 
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I played in a charity golf outing last Monday and there was a huge water tower across the road along one of the holes. I was riding with the outing host and I asked him "how many shots do you think it would take to hit that tower?" He said "do I have to drink them all at once?"
 
I was driving on the interstate the other day, when I look in the rear view mirror and a cop was right behind me with his lights on. So I pull to the shoulder, roll down my window and wait. The cop walks up to my window and says "Hey, didn't you know that your wife fell out of your car a couple miles back"?
I said, "Thank God, I thought I was going deaf"!
 
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