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**** Edicion Limitada ****
- Thread starter 57Strat
- Start date
D
DMC
Guest
A young woman, wearing a tight leather mini-skirt with
matching tight leather boots and jacket, was waiting
for the city bus.
When the young woman stepped up to board the bus,
she quickly realized that her skirt was too tight. The
embarrassed young woman reached behind her and
unzipped her skirt a little. She hoped this would give
her enough slack to climb the stairs onto the bus.
Much to her chagrin, though, that didn't help.
A big Texan, who was in line behind the embarrassed,
young woman, gently lifted her from the waist and
helped her onto the bus.
As expected, the young woman went ballistic, and turned
on the would-be hero, screeching at him, "How dare you
touch me! I don't even know who you are!"
The big Texan drawled, "Well ma'am, normally I would agree
with you, but since you were unzippin' my fly, I kinda
figured that we was friends!"
D
DMC
Guest
Another.........
A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial
or a jury trial.
"Jury trial," he replied.
"Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge.
"Sure," replied the defendant. "That's where twelve
ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."
A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial
or a jury trial.
"Jury trial," he replied.
"Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge.
"Sure," replied the defendant. "That's where twelve
ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."
D
DMC
Guest
80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for
a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention. The leader says, "We
are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are
not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly
works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another
chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well
since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you
in one place and we have the world-wide press and global
broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her
another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets
out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened – the
blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell
and wave their hands shouting,
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm
than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance
-- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute
eventually says, "Four?". Throughout the stadium
pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their
feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention. The leader says, "We
are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are
not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly
works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another
chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well
since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you
in one place and we have the world-wide press and global
broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her
another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets
out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened – the
blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell
and wave their hands shouting,
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm
than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance
-- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute
eventually says, "Four?". Throughout the stadium
pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their
feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
D
DMC
Guest
I know they are getting a little weak, but that is because you gentlemen used up all the good ones in the contest.......LMAO
D
DMC
Guest
How true.........ROTFLMAO
*** Update ***
The Multiboard Pass/ Blindsmoke Challenge should be on its way home. After several months away...whew! Fire up your blindsmokes if you haven't done so yet!! :0
And to quote some guy from a few years ago:
Gentlemen, you may smoke.
The Multiboard Pass/ Blindsmoke Challenge should be on its way home. After several months away...whew! Fire up your blindsmokes if you haven't done so yet!! :0
And to quote some guy from a few years ago:
Gentlemen, you may smoke.
Allofus123
Here ducky, ducky, ducky!
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2001
- Messages
- 3,867
For your entertainment......
Here are some comments made by sports commentators that they might wish to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event: "This is
Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up
and it was amazing."
2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and
I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique,
except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front
of the similar one in back."
4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my
mother and father."
5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and even some
deaths in boxing - but none of them were really that serious."
6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can
expect the same thing again."
7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like
it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988: "Ah, isn't that nice, the
wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew."
9. Metro Radio, College Football: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like
they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
10. US Open TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so
well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and
kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?"
Here are some comments made by sports commentators that they might wish to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event: "This is
Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up
and it was amazing."
2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and
I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique,
except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front
of the similar one in back."
4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my
mother and father."
5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and even some
deaths in boxing - but none of them were really that serious."
6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can
expect the same thing again."
7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like
it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988: "Ah, isn't that nice, the
wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew."
9. Metro Radio, College Football: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like
they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
10. US Open TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so
well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and
kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?"
D
DMC
Guest
LMAO@Kenny's post!
I am saving my mystery cigar to smoke with you and Kerry in October....
I am saving my mystery cigar to smoke with you and Kerry in October....
D
DMC
Guest
Sad news indeed... ???
Allofus123
Here ducky, ducky, ducky!
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2001
- Messages
- 3,867
Come on Pete....... I'm not allowed any further North..... :sign:
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain, "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream and we're gonna get killed!"
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain, "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream and we're gonna get killed!"
Allofus123
Here ducky, ducky, ducky!
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2001
- Messages
- 3,867
The Cowboy and His Horse
A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy named Mark and brings him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to Mark, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?"
Mark says, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. Mark grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with Mark.
The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing." The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?"
Mark says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. Mark leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with Mark. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing."
The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white man. What you want?" Mark says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. Mark grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"
A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy named Mark and brings him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to Mark, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?"
Mark says, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. Mark grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with Mark.
The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing." The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?"
Mark says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. Mark leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with Mark. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing."
The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white man. What you want?" Mark says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. Mark grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"