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King for the holidays contest

Sang to the tune of: Have a Holly Jolly Christmas


Hattie Naughty Christmas

Have a hottie naughty Christmas!
It's the breast time of the year!
Lotsa "elves",
With lovely shelves,
And red-furred white-trimmed rears!

Have a hottie naughty Christmas!
And when you walk down the street
Say hello,
To girls who show,
Their reindeer-rumps so sweet!

Oh, ho!
Your missile-toe!
Hung where she can see!
Some hottie waits for you -
Kisses, from her knees!

Have a hottie naughty Christmas!
Ev'ry Star Trek geek'll cheer -
"Oh my Scotty, beam me up a naughty Christmas, this year!"

(***sultry sleigh-bell interlewd***)

Have a hottie naughty Christmas!
It's the breast time of the year!
The egg-nog
From your yule-log
Will fill her cup with cheer!

Have a hottie naughty Christmas!
And when your girl trims your tree
Stand below,
Her ladder,
So,
Her balsam fir you'll see!

Oh, ho!
Her Camel-Toe!
Wondrous woman's Vee!
Her stocking waits for you -
Stuff it, once for me!

Have a hottie naughty Christmas!
With a case or two of beer -
Get her blotty!
Have a hottie naughty
Christmas,
This year!
 
Allofus123 said:
Sang to the tune of: Have a Holly Jolly Christmas


Hattie Naughty Christmas

Have a hottie naughty Christmas!
It's the breast time of the year!
Lotsa "elves",
With lovely shelves,
And red-furred white-trimmed rears!

Have a hottie naughty Christmas!
And when you walk down the street
Say hello,
To girls who show,
Their reindeer-rumps so sweet!

Oh, ho!
Your missile-toe!
Hung where she can see!
Some hottie waits for you -
Kisses, from her knees!

Have a hottie naughty Christmas!
Ev'ry Star Trek geek'll cheer -
"Oh my Scotty, beam me up a naughty Christmas, this year!"

(***sultry sleigh-bell interlewd***)

Have a hottie naughty Christmas!
It's the breast time of the year!
The egg-nog
From your yule-log
Will fill her cup with cheer!

Have a hottie naughty Christmas!
And when your girl trims your tree
Stand below,
Her ladder,
So,
Her balsam fir you'll see!

Oh, ho!
Her Camel-Toe!
Wondrous woman's Vee!
Her stocking waits for you -
Stuff it, once for me!

Have a hottie naughty Christmas!
With a case or two of beer -
Get her blotty!
Have a hottie naughty
Christmas,
This year!
[snapback]266331[/snapback]​
Click to expand...



This would get my vote... If I had a vote. :)
 
Santa Claus makes his way down the chimney, and is met by a lovely young woman in a robe.
She says "Santa, how about giving me a special present. I know you'd like to come into my bedroom."

Santa responds "Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know."

The lovely young thing peels off her robe, revealing a skimpy negligee. Santa looks up from his sack of gifts, and she says "I've got something special for you Santa. Can't you stay for just a little while? I know you want me. Let me make this Christmas eve unforgetable."

Santa responds "Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know."

Not to be denied, she strips off the negligee, revealing her naughty bits, and they were quite nice naughty bits, I might add. And she says "Santa, this is your last chance. This body is your gift."

Santa responds "Hey! Hey! Hey! Gotta stay. Gotta Stay. Can't get up the chimney with my d**k this way!"
 
One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof.
As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here."
The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said "Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these fuckin' prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."
 
Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block.
 
Sorry if any of those are repeated..... I didn't read all 5 pages before posting.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.
 
The contest is now officially over... no more entrants past this post will be considered.

I'll announce the winner probably tomorrow or Monday. Thanks to everyone for entering, and Merry Christmas!
 
Thanks for the contest moki.
It has been a lot of fun reading and looking at the pics on this thread.

Merry Christmas to all... :thumbs:
 
Merry Christmas Moki! Thanks for the contest- lets hope my simple yet tasteless wins! :laugh:
 
DOH! too late.

240.jpg
 
This is a great contest. Very generous of you Andrew. Thank you for the chance, and congrats to the winner.
 
Yes...very cool contest. There is a lot of funny stuff here on these 6 pages.


Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
 
Thanks for the contest Moki!!! I have not heard most of these jokes before, thanks for the laughs!!!
 
Thanks to everyone who entered. The panel of 3 judges (myself, my girlfriend Polly, and her sister Puteri) have decided!

Without further ado, the envelope please.....















......and the winner is OpusXKC, with the following entry:

santa_poop.jpg


Congrats to OpusXKC... PM me your address!
 
Congrats OpusXKC.
and thanks again Andrew for the contest, it was great comic relief.
 
Great contest Andrew! Congrats to the noob for the win.
 
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