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Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.....
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and
said, "You're kinda cute, You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you're sixty six..............who cares?


I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you're sixty six….........who cares?


I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you're sixty six.............who cares?


I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts ........, but...

When you're sixty six ...........who cares?



I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you're sixty six..............who cares?


I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you're sixty six.............who cares?
 
The friend I am remodeling the condo for is pretty wealthy but his wife is blowing the budget big time. It's a third home and he spent $780K on the place and it was beautiful. His wife didn't like the colors so I am gutting it and remodeling it. She is the most analytical human being I have ever met, she makes me look apathetic. She has had me frame closets multiple times, drywall ceilings multiple times, and move things 3/4" multiple times ..... but I get paid by the hour. LOL

I won't say I would kill her, but ..... there would be a fresh pile of dirt in the back yard with a shovel sticking up out of it!

He and I were having a beer and he was saying how she is driving him crazy, she has blown the budget and nothing is even done yet. I said "don't you think that at some point it would be cheaper to get a new wife?" He literally shuddered and said "don't say things like that!"
 
CigarStone said:
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.....
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and
said, "You're kinda cute, You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you're sixty six..............who cares?


I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you're sixty six….........who cares?


I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you're sixty six.............who cares?


I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts ........, but...

When you're sixty six ...........who cares?



I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you're sixty six..............who cares?


I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you're sixty six.............who cares?
Click to expand...
I was waiting on some sort of reversal payoff playing on the "66 years old" thing, but these are all fantastic.
 
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