Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

[drunkfish3]

What's the difference between hungry and horny.

Where you stick the cucumber!!

 

[kann]

Alright, here's a question for all you mind-readers out there:

 

[Gavin]

Alright, here's a question for all you mind-readers out there:

You’re sick.

 

[CigarStone]

An old man retires and buys a 1000 acre ranch in Texas. His first night there he is sitting on the front porch loving his new life when he see's a dust cloud approaching. A huge Cadillac pulls in with 7 foot wide bull horns as a hood ornament.

An old cowboy jumps out and says "howdy neighbor"! After they chat for a minute the old neighbor says "I'm havin a party to welcome you to Texas on Saturday, there's a gowna be some drinkin and some daincin, and some sex ..... be there at 7PM". The new ranch owner says "thanks, that's very nice of you, what should I wear"? The old Texan says "don't much matter, it's just gowna be me n you"!

 

[Thoughts]

This isn't a dad joke but I saw it today and had to post it.

A guy walks into the clinic to see the doctor

The doctor takes him to the back and asks what's wrong? The patient says, 'I I I III dddduuunnnooo doc. Ii iii I cccc cccccaaaannnn'tttt tttthhhhiiii nnnn nnkkk k st st st st st straight. Si si si si ssssiiinnce I I III III I ww wwaaa aaass ss ttt ttt tttwwwe eeellllv vvveee'

The doc looks at him oddly. He begins ordering a barrage of tests to figure out what is causing him symptoms. This doesn't appear to be a normal stutter...

The results come back. He has a rather enormous penis... Most of his blood flow is supplying this mantle and not allowing adequate blood flow to his brain. Upon breaking the news to the patient, he quickly agrees to have a shortening procedure to help rid him of this problem.

A few years later....he returns to the same clinic...

He goes back to the see the same doc...

"Doc, I gotta have it back. Women, they laugh at me. I got no confidence. Now i'm having issues in the bedroom. Ya gotta re-attach it!'

The doc turns to him and says, "Gg ggg ggoo oooo ffffuuuuu ffuuuucccckkk, yy yyyooo uuurrr sssee eelllll ffff.'

 

[kann]

I didn't know whether to put this in the Joke thread or the Unhappy thread, but here goes:

 

[kann]

 

[dawgie34203]

 

[kann]

 

[CBoukal]

 

[Scap]

 

[CigarStone]

Alright, here's a question for all you mind-readers out there:

On top of her bosses desk?

 

[kann]

 

[Scap]

 

[dawgie34203]

 

[kann]

View attachment 74179

I still use a comb for my beard when I let it get that long. Just to ruin your joke.

 

[Thoughts]

I still use a comb for my beard when I let it get that long. Just to ruin your joke.

I use mine to make sure I don't knick my taint when buzz trimming. Potato Pota-toe I guess

 

[dawgie34203]

I use mine to make sure I don't knick my taint when buzz trimming. Potato Pota-toe I guess

Once you get good at it, you can just use a straight razor!

 

[Nihon_Ni]

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a superhero, and the other is a command!

 

[CigSid]

Wife texts husband on a cold
winter morning:
"Windows frozen, won't
open." Husband texts back. "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap
edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Laptop
really messed up now."